SM-liiga in English

[Johannes]

What about Tommi Kovanen, Tom of Hard, who collects arts-glass and plays ice-hockey as a top-level defenseman. Does he keep his backside clean or is he a skillful offensive force in and outside the rink with the puck and ladies. Well, that is a big question, isn`t it.

 

[bozik]

This Jorma-thing is the shame of Finland, we are all very embarrased about it. Hope you still dont think about us badly.

Yes, it is shame that we have 237 words in finnish language, little less than hundred of those means the same as jorma. On the other hand (left), we Finns have saying "rakkaalla lapsella on monta nimeä". This cannot be tranlated in english but roughly it means that if you are loved baby or kid you often have several nicknames, Jorma is often one of those. But, surprisingly, not all of Jorma's are babies or even kids!! Here you can find a picture of grown up Jorma, trying to find his way out of the leather jacket.

The link leads to Jorma's homepage.

 

[Stigu]

This Jorma-thing is the shame of Finland, we are all very embarrased about it. Hope you still dont think about us badly.

As a HAAC hardcore fan, I am ashamed that we have had so pervert-named players (and still have) in our team, such ass:

- Tommy "Little Hard-Dick" Kovanen
- Ilari "Boner" Melart
- Marcus "Massivecock" Cloth-of-Ass
- Tony "Cutie" Söderholm (not pervo alone, but plays often together with Boner or Massivecock)
- Terry "Ball" Ball
- Seppo "By force" Pakolla
- Jorma "Cock" Immonen
- Juuso "One Tit" Rynnäs (Rumour- not realized thank Allah!)
- Peter Barry White (who play like relaxed cock)
- Kim Hirschovits (who play real bad all time but is just about to cum)
- most of HAAC goalies (have been sucking all the time).
- DDR Hall section for standing seat is called "Hard-on"

And if this not enuf, our League is called S/M-Liiga. Regular season before play-offs is called Wanker.

The only non-pervo thing I can think in our S/M Liiga, is that there are no so-cunt games in our liiga where result of game been agreed beforehand.

 

[bozik]

As a HAAC hardcore fan, I am ashamed that we have had so pervert-named players (and still have) in our team, such ass:

And in addition to names Stigu mentioned, HAAC was trying to sign goalie called "Three Meter" Koskinen.. Yes - it is true. They didn't get Koskinen, they hired a german with moustache...

 

[JHag]

And in addition to names Stigu mentioned, HAAC was trying to sign goalie called "Three Meter" Koskinen.. Yes - it is true. They didn't get Koskinen, they hired a german with moustache...

But Mr. Kekalainen from Batmans Enemies hired from Denmark a player called Niklas Hardt. That is in english "in a hard way". And BE:s tryout-player Peter Kalus ? In english "your dick". Why wasn't he hired? He couldn't choose whose dick he would be? So, don't try to push this Jorma-thing only to HAAC. Let's face it: We are all kinda pervos in Finland. I heard a rumour that a very popular new name for babygirls is Tuksu which very close to Tussu. And guess what that means? Yes, vagina. And guess what else? A textmessaging vagina caused the firing of our Foreign Minister! Only in Finland.....

 

[Rod Weary]

Jyvaskyla non-smokers hired Leo Goodass some years ago. Sounds like an art-glass guy to me.

 

[Clocks]

And in addition to names Stigu mentioned, HAAC was trying to sign goalie called "Three Meter" Koskinen.. Yes - it is true. They didn't get Koskinen, they hired a german with moustache...

Tom Newbondage got the feeling that HAAC's new shit-eating image was failing. It is only natural that he decided to bring in a German. Let me tell you, those boys know what shit-eating is all about. CIYDNBI (Check If You Do Not Believe It):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T__YXBN7LM8

This is a link. It will take you to a place called You Tube. There you can look videos. (Don't worry - it's only South Park, not the real deal).

 

[bozik]

Let's face it: We are all kinda pervos in Finland.

Well yeah, but it's because it is so dark here. Nothing to do, you know. Then there is Santa and all those reindeers, you know this too.

What comes HAAC, it's like a Mercedes for pervos, someone got to lead the way.

 

[JHag]

Well yeah, but it's because it is so dark here. Nothing to do, you know. Then there is Santa and all those reindeers, you know this too.

I absolutely do. When I was a child, I believed that Santa is real. But once me and my little brother were looking out from our window anxiously waiting for Santa. We saw at our parking lot two Santas chatting and smoking and then the other one of them urinated. Then they both left in the same car, which was a small Datsun. It was very difficult for out mother to talk herself out of this. She's version was: "Maybe they were Santa's brothers". Hah! Even if it would have been so, why the hell were they driving Datsun and urinate in our house's parking lot? There is no logical connection between Santa living in Ear-mountain bringing gifts to children once a year and he having two lookalike brothers in Finland on a strange roadtrip and maybe even having some kind of sick sexual relation.

What comes HAAC, it's like a Mercedes for pervos, someone got to lead the way.

And Batman's Enemies - it's like a close-enough-version of HAAC, but not quite accurate. HAAC is like Bob Dylan's song "Slow train coming" and Batman's Enemies is "Slow brain coming"

 

[Johannes]

For some odd reason in Google translate HIFK is "Scuba" in English, not "HAAC", but I understand that translation too.

 

[kimbe66]

Even if this is not my favourite team, I must write something about HAAC. The team has stolen Mig (a Russian aeroplane which makes air waves) and Mag (a flash light which also makes air waves). That's why they are so superior in the sm-league.

For some reason William Little Field and Kim Fire Post also wanted to play in that team (those fu..ing bas..rds), and they have paint keepers from Germany and Norway, so it's almost impossible to beat them. And that you can see by looking at the series table.

Well maybe next year my Matti village Hurriganes will rock again.

 

[El Lude]

Hell-öy everycorp's or deceased!

My favourite company is Kaleva's Ball. That's enough about that.
I must also write something about HAAC. Haac team play disc hockey East German (DDR)-hall in Soviet Finland (SF) S7M-liiga. My magazine's (Suosikki) players are: Pertti whip Grouvenen, Simo wood eye Islandnen and Jere Spindlebay. The most famous person in Haac /was/were (what MattiEve) PENTTI MATH/BURBOTNEN. His nickname is sir Hair Dryer. He's a fine man. He live's in Creek Mouth near by Soviet Union.

 

[Shard]

What, no talking about disc skene of the real Ice Disc Capital of Finland: Tampere. So Im gonna fix te fault.

Yeah, Tampere is really Disc Capital of our country. There is tvo teams in sm-league in Tampere: Lynx Lynx "Ipa" Tampere and Tampere "Axeboobies" Battleaxe. Tampere has the first ice hall of Finland: Pastureforest. Also Tampere got the mostest championships of the country, Lynx Lynx most and Battleaxe second most.
But the biggest reason to situation of disc capital is that everybody there loves disc. Tampere's metropol got 300 000 residents and if we calculate together the tvo teams watcher averages, we gotta 8000 watchers!!! Its AWESOME!!! Who else gotta this good percent?

Now im gonna tell about those tvo teams. The better one is Battleaxe. Some 10 to 15-year-old Lynx Lynx fans known as jonnes (call 'em dorks) claim that Lynx Lynx is better; their only argument is that "Ipa" has more championships, 16 of them. And i tell why they have more. B'cooz Lynx Lynx is the first ice disc team of Finland. They were the only first 16 years and -very likely- they won every time. Finlands ice hockey union can did nothing but declare their championships. Those times were very long time ago. Even the Rhyme "pancake pass" Littlepearl (thanks for the names translating!) was so young that he won only 14 last ones of those championships. Its amazing! They played even before Rhyme!

Tampere Battleaxe is better than Lynx Lynx, 'cause their 15 championships are came with several teams in league. At first tree championships Battleaxes name was TBK (Tamperees Ball-Kommunists). Name was changed when Winter War was over; the veterans was already backed home and decided to burn these kommunists. So the name was changed when Molotovs cocktails was already throwed in Pastureforests ice hall. It saved the teams front office (Mick Littleleino, man who knows nothing about foreign players and looks like a manne), who has piss in the pants.

The last of "axeboobies" championships came year 2003. Battleaxes coach was "Dear"-Jack Ironwilderness. He taught The Battleaxe to play hookdisc. Battleaxe won with slow defence 'cuz they hooked all the time. I loved that team, it was full of legendary Axeboobies! And now i have heard that Ironwilderness is coming back the next year! Vi får se if the old time hoocdisc is gonna back.

The most famous legendary players of Battleaxe are Janne "Big-8" Ojanen, who leads the leagues all-time point exchange, and Putte "the Juti" Pig, who has gone forward after his career. Now he is the Riller.

 

[JHag]

The most famous legendary players of Battleaxe are Janne "Big-8" Ojanen, who leads the leagues all-time point exchange, and Putte "the Juti" Pig, who has gone forward after his career. Now he is the Riller.

I think that the most important Battleaxe-figure is good old Raymond Wilderness, a coach. He was a guy who thought that running up and down the stairs of Pyynikki (God only knows what that means, and even he isn't sure) would make better hockeyplayers. Battleaxe was the world's leading team in a competition where players would run stairs in parks, but unfortunately there wasn't such a league then. But who knows, maybe in the future? Well, Raymonds contribution to Finland is his beautiful daughter Tight Wilderness, a figure skater. She causes erections and I'm pretty sure that she didn't run the Pyynikki stairs when she was training. Instead she used to play sexual rolegames on the phone with me! At least the girl told me that she was Tight Backwoods. Mostly because I wanted her to tell me so. I was a black fireman called Real Hoze. That was of course roleplay. I'm not really a fireman!

 

[Shard]

I think that the most important Battleaxe-figure is good old Raymond Wilderness, a coach. He was a guy who thought that running up and down the stairs of Pyynikki (God only knows what that means, and even he isn't sure) would make better hockeyplayers. Battleaxe was the world's leading team in a competition where players would run stairs in parks, but unfortunately there wasn't such a league then. But who knows, maybe in the future? Well, Raymonds contribution to Finland is his beautiful daughter Tight Wilderness, a figure skater. She causes erections and I'm pretty sure that she didn't run the Pyynikki stairs when she was training. Instead she used to play sexual rolegames on the phone with me! At least the girl told me that she was Tight Backwoods. Mostly because I wanted her to tell me so. I was a black fireman called Real Hoze. That was of course roleplay. I'm not really a fireman!

Wow, that was an roleplay. Its a miracle how she can learn ice por... skating by playing sexual rolegames with JHag.

Tight Wilderness has been chosen worlds sexiest sportster by some foreign trashmagazine and she is the most famous Battleaxe, which is quite sad, 'cause Battleaxes idea is Ice Disc. Ice porn-skating is minor activitite.

Of course Raymond is most important coach of team, how can i forget that.

Raymond achieved 4 championships in Battleaxes rudder and somethig even more greater, many times sayed Tight. For you, my friends from overseas:http://www.google.fi/search?hl=fi&safe=off&q=kiira+korpi&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=0Z3vTu2zO6Sp4gSK8eyFCQ&biw=1680&bih=838&sei=1J3vTuHvIZHO4QSRgLGWCQ

Mr. Wilderness really is also the man behind this running stairs of Pispala/Pyynikki, you can call 'em with both ways. That training is quite heavy but makes really better ice disc players. But i think those players starting level is quite low, 'cuz Battleaxe is in the position 11 at the serie table, despite that they run the stairs. When Battleaxes top players have runned enough and the start to be leagues best, they are moving to KHL. Then stairrunning starts with new rookies.

Link goes to google picture search for Tight Kiira Korpi.

 

[JHag]

For you, my friends from overseas:http://www.google.fi/search?hl=fi&safe=off&q=kiira+korpi&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=0Z3vTu2zO6Sp4gSK8eyFCQ&biw=1680&bih=838&sei=1J3vTuHvIZHO4QSRgLGWCQ
Link goes to google picture search for Tight Kiira Korpi.

Thank you for the link - something spurted on my keyboard and it sure the hell isn't PartyMocca -coffee! A rumour tells me that there are only 3 stairs in Pyynikki nowadays. Maybe that gives an explanation for Battleaxe's placement in the series?

 

[fiftyeight]

Thank you for the link - something spurted on my keyboard and it sure the hell isn't PartyMocca -coffee! A rumour tells me that there are only 3 stairs in Pyynikki nowadays. Maybe that gives an explanation for Battleaxe's placement in the series?

Don´t know anything about Hazelgrouse-nick´s stairs, maybe gone to heaven. But there is also a chain in Overtime, where people were talking and stephenhawkinning after The Tight. Unfortunately, or maybe luckily, search command is not available just now, so it can´t be found by my sausagefingers.

 

[Sledge Hammer!]

Oh, the good ol' Battleaxes! I remember their old supporting song written by the late great Junior Meadow from the town of Eagle. Chorus went something like:

Battleaxe is steel, Battleaxe is steel
Others come from far behind

 

[Halmela]

At least now we have a great speaker, and he is Raymond Littlepearl.
Forget the Tami's "4 passes break any defense". Our own Raymond (from the pre-Granlund era) is the shit!

 

[Jäähykuningas]

I read there were the famous Turku ball club song "honey" mentioned in that theme. But I promise you all the foreign disk-people that nowadays even more famous is the Boys song "now Saunaing is the son". It was originally made for the mastership celebrations for the team "Ball of Grainseedtown" but they didnt even win. However the song was recycled when our lions airwaved their way to the wanted globe-mastership. That is the Finnish effiency as its best. So like Nokia or the angry-pirds.

Now saunaing is the son
It is singin and screaming while taking a bath
Champagne from a boob
Our son has came in our home

Now saunaing is the son
It is supervising, rampaging and doing the goalies glove
Shooting cum from his eye
Our son has came in our home

Autumn goes on, its time to inhale
Alone thinking about the previous summer
There was comrades, totally closed their sheet metal
Now hes locked in Kummola's basement.

Before the christmas making a vagina out of his eye.
Not sure about the new Kodi
A few months must be on a low-carbohydrate diet
Then he can celebrate again

...

Getting horny on a spring
The clock is running out of time
Still the last-real challengers
The great restless is just an inch away

Though the same states of drunkness come yearly
They can lap the son
Now the captain is rising it on his arms
Touching like it was his own kid.

 

[Tpip]

I will write shortly about one of the most famous defenceman in finnish ice hockey history. I will write abaut Timo Youfarm.

Timo was one of the corner stones in WC 1995 - never forget -championship games in Stockholm 1995 and in WC 2011 - never forget - championship games in Bratislava 2011. It was pitty that last spring he break a leg when all the other finnish people was celebrating the victory of WC 2011 - never forget - championship game. Last time in 1995, never forget, it was honor to see Timo celebrating with Yucca Oak.

This athletic guy loves to grill and one of his favourite phrase is "let's get grilling!". Timo also likes to put dung behind his upper lip. When he goes out to party with his best friend Mike Otterson, he wears his famous orange suit jacket.

It's common to see Timo watching ice hockey game with our president, Conan O'Brien. Timo has a jazzband with Conan's husband Pentti (not the Mullet One). Timo plays mouth organ.

He also can put chuck in to ice and name on the paper. Timo likes to put on the upper grandma (not like the rally-Timo, up in the ass of timo -Timo).

Timo is a great man. I like Timo Youfarm.

 

[Johannes]

Heaven preserve, what comes out from there, said Antero Fishtrapbeach in TV.

Why has Timo Youfarm gained some weight after his playing career. He goes abroad very often and in the Helsinki-Vantaa airport a person allways tells Youfarm to "Pass-sports, please" and Timo allways obeys clear orders from an airport passport control person or of course Kalervo the Hut, who is Youfarms boss in Finnish Hockey Union. Youfarm has as a colleague, Jari Kurri, who is so called Lions GM, but his main job is being a Kale the Huts societyperson and heaven preserve that is a tough job. You must watch ice-hockey in a box for famous persons and even the president of Finland, Mrs Tarja Hellonen might sometimes visit you during the game and then you must drink a lot GT:s to be a social person and even then that is not easy, when you are just a famous hockey-guy, who used to play with Wayne Gretzky with great succeed in the 80`s.

 

[FASlapsi]

Thanks you Penaltyking for the translation of the "now Saunaing is the son"-song. This is the modern version of the famous song "It slides in" stolen from the Sveriges in 1995, and it is very important all the foreign countryers know what is being songed in the song. I think you should have some kind of award money from Finland for this cultural foreigner job!

Also very civa that you have mentioned Mr. Youfarm. He is the mostest legendary ice disc player, not just because how he played ice disc, but what he has been doing after ice disc games for Timo was over. He has doubled, maybe even tripled himself by rilling, who else can do that?

Timo Youfarm was a very liked player when he played ice disc, and he was often selected as teams captain. Always when Timo did something, and somebodies said that "Good Timo, you doed good things", Timo always answered "Glory belongs to the whole team". No matter what Timo did, if he scored a paint, or tackled an enemy, or barbequed some maggara, or had a son, always he remembered to tell, "Glory belongs to the whole team". What a great guy. Literally, he is very great.

Like Tpip already tolded, after his disc playing days Timo Youfarm was seen in TV wearing a huge orange jacket and saying weird prophesies like "Meow meow, don't goes there", "Now can pussy eenjoy, eenjoy" and "Propel to the ice, name in the leaf". Maybe the mostest famulous prophesy of Timo was the one he liked to repeat many many times. In that he talked about putting in top grandmother. What he put there, nobody knows. Maybe it was same things what he always haves inside his upper lip.

Nowadays Timo Youfarm is an important part of Finlands land team. He always travels with Jari Kurri and gets plane tickets for everybody and just walks around where ever the land team is, telling his prophesies for players and press peoples and who ever wants to listen. At the game Timo is often seen shitting next to Jari Kurri with his upper lip full of something. He is very very important, and thanks to him, Finland won the gold medals again last year. When asked about that, do you guess what Timo said? Really, do you guess? Because nobody knows, as he was missing from the after parties because his ankle was infected, even though lots of peoples saw Timo wandering with the land team. His ankle must have been very infected, because his eyes were standing still, his talking was not understandable and he could not walk straight. Terrible ankle infenction disease that was. Maybe it was same disease who breaked Bass Littlegrass shoes in the aeroplane. But the glory belongs to the whole team.

Timo Youfarm is very very great person. I like you also, Timo.

 

[Stigu]

He is very very important, and thanks to him, Finland won the gold medals again last year. When asked about that, do you guess what Timo said? Really, do you guess? Because nobody knows, as he was missing from the after parties because his ankle was infected, even though lots of peoples saw Timo wandering with the land team. His ankle must have been very infected, because his eyes were standing still, his talking was not understandable and he could not walk straight.

I am melcein 110% sure this terrible ankle infektion disease happen during Timo sleepwalking. Timo emphasisera after championship in interview that "we have been sleeping and going forward". Timo not know that there are doctors who can help sleepwalking habits.

I also want tell to guinean, east samoan and Burkina Faso readers that Timo used to play Disc in Disc team, who played song "Live is Life" every time Timo put the black maggara in upper grandma.

 

[aurinkolahna]

Hi, everybody!

I'm writing here for the first time. I'd like to tell you something about my favourite coach in SM-league. You may think that I will tell you about Mr. Parrotspeciesstream. No, you are wrong. I'm gonna tell you about Mr. Maybe Small Boatlikecap. He is a good coach.

Have a nice day, hope you enjoyed this story and share the knowledge about Finnish coaches among all hockey fans!