SM-liiga in English

[FASlapsi]

Hello hello, I don't know why you say boodbye, I say hello. You all foreigners and other wammaset.

Yesterday was a really special day, Escapings Day, which is only happening in Escapings Year, which happens once in four years. It is just like Olympics, but only more special, so it could be said it is Special Olympics day!

That's why yesterday the mostest specialest teams played in SM-league, as Rauma's Lock or Foxes or Pointy-ears played against the Kaleva's Ball. Rauma's Lock is full of special friends that got special money from special JariKurri of Rauma, and Kaleva's Ball is full of midgets, and there are some neegers in the culissi as well.

Before the game it was knowable that one of the teams would be doing Escapings: if Lock wins, it will do Escapes from the summer holiday, and if Kaleva's Ball wins, it will Espacios from all the other teams and win the trunk series. Lock was making paints sooner than Kaleva's Ball, but then Kaleva's Ball made more paints later and they won. So, neegers and midgets escaped, and special friends of Lock remained and they are fearing for summer holiday. Except they won't get the summer holiday, everybody in the world thinks that Turku's Ball Company, nicknamed "Retards", will be the one team that drops down from the pity play-offs and goes to spend summer holiday to the other side of the river.

That's all, fulcks! Next time I will tell you about the game against Batmans Enemies and Saimaa's Ball. Stay tuned, or you will be a pyramid! Haha, I am making fanny jokes, I hope you think about me that I am fanny. I know I am thinking so, and I am still a little bit of neeger and foreign people myself.

 

[Osmo Rapeli]

english huh

The Good, the bad and the ugly.

The good: The Jokers aren't funny anymore, as you have to take their top prospect Seth Sharpie very seriously. His level of game is so good he's about to be taken on the first round of the next NHL entry draft. Jokers GM Jared Cinder is so cuntvinced on his scoring ability that he said Seth should try on Jennifer Aniston next.

The bad: I was walking down the street and I heard two gentlemen say that the prizes of the next world championships in Finland are too high and they blame Cal Kummola for that. Well I hope Zdeno Chara turns up for the slovakian team, I know he is very tall and might help others, whoever wins, to reach high enough to get his prize. And in case the Bruins do very well, I know the number for Kone, Ramirent and other lift services.

The ugly: Well, since we are talking about the world championships, I must call Kummola mentally ugly for putting the prizes too high. I hope Martin St. Louis will bite you in the testicles.

~BREASTS!!!

 

[Stigu]

So, neegers and midgets escaped, and special friends of Lock remained and they are fearing for summer holiday. Except they won't get the summer holiday, everybody in the world thinks that Turku's Ball Company, nicknamed "Retards", will be the one team that drops down from the pity play-offs and goes to spend summer holiday to the other side of the river.

I think FASLapsi now secoittaa Turku Ball Company with a legendary Rock Group from Turku that sold millions of discs: Bogart Company. Their lead singer Snoopy Redford is mostest wellest knownest midget and Rock artist in Finland. Rumour says that inom kort Bogart Company discs will finally be avialable also in the Dori of Beach of Lappee, so FASLapsi and all the other Disc Fans can go bay that Disc, while the rest of Finland is playing Disc playarit (time after wanker season is over). Also there will open a mini vogue partur shop in Beach of Lappee, so all Saimaaballians can go and take haircut and look just like Bogart Company.

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, and two SHIT Teams play against each other: The Saimaa Balls and Killer from Tampeje. 2700 peope fall asleep during game and the wiranomaiset are wery vorried, because they suspect narkolepsia, which is wery common when SHIT teams play against each others.

The day after yesterday my lowey team HAAC is going to the New Orleans of Finland- the Kuopijo. This is the place, where everything mightbemightnotbe, people are very suspicious, there are lots of neekers, everypady eat FishCock, and in the center of the Dori of Kuopijo, there is a statue of a Naked Boy with two Fish (in his hands) and one Cock (in his cock). This a very strange place in Finland, I am not proud of that place. Sorry all the foreigners, aliens and other weirdos, that we have place like this in our butiful cauntry.

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello. All.

Foreigners peoples.

Oh. My jacket is empty. The sun stopped to shine in the pile of risus. Dreams falled. Life is a she-dog, and then you die.

Yesterday was a sad day for everybody all around the planet. Saimaa's Ball lost to FishCocks, and retards from Turgu won the GameCans. This means that Saimaa's Ball will no longer have possibilities to go to the pity play offs, instead they will be having summer holiday very soon.

Everybody in the whole universe begun to love Saimaa's Ball during this season. Everybody. Barack Obama, the neeger leader of the USA, was seeing wearing Saimaa's Ball shirt everywhere. When Saimaa's Ball losed to Dabbara, there were violent riots in Middle-East. People of Lappee's Beach were proud of their team, for the first time since Batmans Enemies lost because Horse Show. Even the message papers were writing good textes about Saimaa's Ball, this had not happened before, ever.

But now everything is ruined, because FishCocks won and GameCans lost intentionally to Turgu Retards because the JariKurri of GameCans still has Turgu Retards tattoo in his forehead. Those bastards.

So, for now on, nobody in the world cares about the SM-league anymore, until next season starts, and Saimaa's Ball journey to mastering's begins.

I conclude my text with a beatiful, heart-ripping quote from some random Lappee's Beach people after yesterdays game:

"No höh."

 

[Stigu]

Hello. All.
The sun stopped to shine in the pile of risus.

In Finland we have this saying about sticking something to the place where the Sun never shines. This place is keokraphically the arschhöle of Finland, called Bay-of-Lappee. That is why there are all sorts of weirdo thinks found on the streets of Bay-of-Lappee every year: Dead fisch, umbrellas, chairs, newspapers and so widare. And that is also the reason why Got Indeed never makes the play-offs. The sun never shines on the streets of BoL. And that is why it is not good place to go: you do not know if people are neekers or not because you not see them.

So Faslapsi, was my prophetia about your team not making it true? Was it? Nod your head if it was (make sure there is nobudy in the nearby before you do it). Please skroll the text in your ATK-machine and read my perverious prophety dated 03.03.2012. Haa haa, ther you go!

I am not bad person. Therefour I welcam Faslapsi to Bandwagon of HAAC. This bandwagon goes all way to the Ship* of Champions and other mushrooms. If you want to join, you have to harry up, because once we start going, there ain't no stoppin' us now! So Stigu ombord!


(* Suom huom: I know FSlapsi likes Ships and Boats, because he herself is a Psyko-paatti. Haa haa!)

 

[FASlapsi]

I has two words for you Stigu: You todaly suck!

You come to laugh in the funerals of Saimaa's Ball! How dare you! I hate you, I kill you, I put you in box and send to Ruåtsi! You are making yourself to clown! You come here to smile, smile, right, we are turning around many hundred thousand thing, and you come here to laugh! That's all, sorry for all you who are here, I can't stand these mickey mouses!

What goes to these bandwagons or musical boats or whatever filharmonik traktors, nobody in the world cares anymore about the SM-league this season, the trunkseries is already over, now its time to start to think what players leave and what players come. Yes, I know some of the mostest richest and media fucked teams still play some meaningless, stupid games, that are not trunk series games, but who cares about those? Thats right, nobody.

And besides, I heard from some hobos that HAAC already won in these meaningless, end season practice games last year, so they can not win this time. I am in the orchester shopping cart of Batmans enemieses, they have spent milliards and tsilliards of manis to buy disc players and bold Jarmos from NHL and still they never win anything. I hope they win, and that's why HAAC must be losing in the firstest round of these pointless, boring woodlaaki games because they are again playing against Batmans enemies.

 

[Stigu]

I am in the orchester shopping cart of Batmans enemieses, they have spent milliards and tsilliards of manis to buy disc players and bold Jarmos from NHL and still they never win anything. I hope they win, and that's why HAAC must be losing in the firstest round of these pointless, boring woodlaaki games because they are again playing against Batmans enemies.

So you jump into Batman's enemies bandwagon? Why did I guess that you will do that? Batman's enemies has mani sexy characters like:

- Chinless Man: owner of the organisation. One of the richest women in the world. Has a fetiss over HAAC.
- Boldie: right arm of Chinless. Comes from Kalakukkolandia, therefour is very juonicas bastard.
- Cyclope Man: right arm of Boldie, left Ball of Chinless Man.
- Cuuccu-Shit Man a.k.a Jake Diamond a.k.a Hide-Lense Man a.k.a Leg-Hugger Man.Has meni personalities and can select another personality before you have time to say kissa

To me this seems like a comic strip team, which is full of bad spirit. HAAC is fighting for justice and peace and all the good things that make world a better place for you and me- we are the world we are the children.

But to me you also seem like a bad matherfacker busturd, so just keep your boner and go for the comictsrip team!

 

[Beukeboom]

The Wiesels of Ouh-Lou have found themselves in a tricky position, since loosing 5 of their best 7 reverse-men due to lack of motivation. The dark winter has led to a situation where the reverse-men have had enough - for instance, French reverseman Mikko Le Htonen was reported saying, and I quote: Fuck Oulu, I'm going to Sunny Beach. End of quote.

This may lead to a situation where the Whiiii-Sells have to call up the promising young Stanley Cup-winning reverse-man, Ray-Yo Swede. He would find good company in the teams other Swedes, Johan Beckham and Oscar Brother-of -Vesa-Ek Eklund and Ray-Yo's sister, Puma Swede.

Thank you for reading this as-if-funnything.

 

[Silkkeri]

So, the trunk series of Finnish S/M-league is finally over and it's time to look how it went.

Lynx from Tampere were so bad, they will have to play the whole spring against a lousy team from the shitty town of Vaasa to make up for it. Sport (the team from Vaasa) won River Boys from Riversmouth in every game at the OTC-league (odorless, tasteless, colourless) finals and will try to win the Lynxes in order to get some S/M action.

In Finland, we have this thing called reilumeininki pity-playoffs, for the teams that weren't good enough to get into playoffs but didn't suck enough to be left out. This year, it's gonna be the Oulu Weasels versus a ball club from the asshole of Finland, Turku, as well as Blues from the suburbs of Stadi vs. Rauma Fox, who for some unknown reason still calls themselves the Lock. Nobody really gives a shit about these games, but they are still played every year because the teams get rich by doing that.

There's also the regular playoffs starting soon, with the top 2 teams playing against the winners of the pity-playoffs and Jyväskylä Tractor going against Pori Aces. Nobody really cares about those games either, because at the same time, HAAC is playing against Batman's Enemies in a hegemony series full of blood and glory. The winner goes to the semi-finals, but it's really more about getting the dominion of Stadi, the beautiful capital of Evämaa (which is what Finnish people call Finland)

The coaches for both teams are one of the best in the country. There's the Cyclops from Batman's Enemies, and the Shit-Eater from HAAC. The Cyclops guy really likes to whine about the referees and that's how he wins most of this games. The Shit-Eater never whines about anything, because he's what we call a puck-jack, and he also eats the shit thrown at him and makes the whole team do it too. That's how his team usually wins.

There's also a few players worth mentioning. Jack "the Ripper" Square from Batman's Enemies is one of the toughest guys ever. He's so tough a guy he doesn't need to fight to prove it, and usually just skates to the trade stand if he's challenged. If somebody tries to tackle him, he loses his contact lens and ducks in an effort to pick it up, sending the unfortunate hitter straight to the boards face first. That's considered very honorable by the fans and co-players, and he's really loved by everyone here in Stadi, especially HAAC fans.

Then there's Larry Paddle-Art from HAAC, the toughest fighter in the league. When he skates to the ice, his team always gets into over-power since most of the opponents' players run away. He's such a frightening sight, even Square was too afraid to fight him and ran to the trade stand. Larry almost never does anything with the disc, that's just not how he rolls. Instead, he only beats everyone up, just because he can. Speaking of fighters, there's also Mike "Knock-Out" Small-Curve in HAAC, who's won every last of his fights with just one hit. When you see his gloves come off, you might just as well give up.

Every ice disc fan in the country is very anxious to see how the playoffs turn out. Like we know, as long as we play the thing called Our Game, it doesn't matter who scores the most. After the game, there's a jury giving out points to the teams (much like in hill jumping or swim jumping) according to how well their Our Game went. If, and only if, the points are equal, the team with the most goals wins. So nobody really cares about making paints. It's all about delayed departures, the cornerstone of Our Game.

 

[Stigu]

I hate you, I kill you, I put you in box and send to Ruåtsi!

This commentti widuddi myself so directionless that I have to give back potatoes for potatoes. Talking about homo players, what other gang than Saimaa Ball, would have in their team a swedish homo called Perse vilahti Nagander? That sounds homo to me. Perse vilahti Nagander. And they even made an extension cardboard for this jerk.

I heard that Saimaa Ball will buy another homo player form Jyväskylä. His name is call Johan Ai Vittu. Then these two spelare (Vittu and Perse) can play in woodlaaki, go together to woodC, or have special performances in all the gay clubs in Bay of Lappee (these are called Itäsuomen alueen ABC-huoltamot in finnish).

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello you all foreigners, except yous from the New Scheeland, you can go fuck yourselves, you hobits and sheep lovers!

Yesterdays, when I was looking at Finlands land team and calculating all the Saimaa's Ball players and coaches that are in the team (I had to start over many times because there were so many Saimaa's Ball peoples in the team), I happened to hear a huge crash outside my house.

When I looked out of the window, did you believed what I seed? It was this enormous looking boat, which had wheels under it, and all kinds of tubas and harps and violin players were on board. It was painted red, there were some weird letters on the side (H, A, A and C) and there were miljards and miljards of peoples called gloori-hunterers on the board with the musical instruments and other bass players. They were all crying and eating shit, and throwing red shirts on the ground and pissing on their caulaliinas and making airwaves. I think one of these cryeres peoples was Stigu, am I right or am I right? It could also be that I am right.

First I only looked at this huge orchester boat, and it took me awhile to see why was the crashing happened. And do you believed me, if I said that the huge orchester boat-wagon had crashed to almost miljard busses? All the busses carried similar kind of peoples that were on the board of the red bandwagon, they were also crying and throwing their red shirts and pissing on their red caulaliinas and yelling things like "We are masters of Mestis", "We make much noise", "Haka-forest is a church" but also things like "I hate my life, why are we so bad", "I hope Berryhill dies" and "Next year we will win again".

It was quite a weird happening. I watched the enormous mass of red wearing people cry in their crashed band boat and buss army, but then it got boring and I started to count Saimaa's Ball land team peoples again. I once got to three, but then I got confused with such a big number and had to start over again. Oh, its not easy to have so many good land team players and coaches.

 

[Stigu]

Hello all you can eat!

Last week has been a helluva trip for me. Let me tell what happen. About 10 days ago I jump full of energy and expectations into this big, glorious, gigantic champion ship in Helsinki harbour.The ship is so big that even Marty Island-Costume would be jealous of it. There are zillions of my soulbrothers and -sisters jumping into the same ship with me. The captain welcome all of us and say:" I will sail this ship with you to glory and pleasure and joy and wictory and I will smash ewerybody that try to come infront of us". We all laugh and cheer and shout "captain Haddock captain Haddock, you are our saviour!

But what happen? Right after we leave harbour, the scary Cyclope-man from Batman's enemies jumps from the ceiling right in front of captain Haddock. Our brave captain loose immediately her control, pisses in her pants, starts crying like a chicken and shouts:" There is a mis understanding. I am no captain of ship. I am captain of Shit! You got me wrong." But it is too late. The ship looses assasin (or how you call peräsin) and after having drifted 5 days head-amountless we find that we are in Bay of Lappee- the asshole of Finland. The ship crashes med full fart into one of these Hydrogen and Atom kiosks by the harbour. The orchester starts playing My heart will go on and captain Haddock jumps to the front of the ship, stretches his arms towards the sky and shouts: " I believe I can fly!". (We all hope he try to fly, but he does not)

But this is not all. When I look down, I can see at the ruins of the Hydrogen kiosk a lonely,round-headed man dressed in black and yellow-striped underpants. He is sitting cescittyneesti and reading some articel and speaking some kind of a Jesse -mantra: jessemankinenjessesaarinenjessemyllyniemijessemankinenjessesaarinenjessemyllyniemi. He smiles arwoitucsellisesti just like MonaLisa smiles in that cuuluisa painting in Helsinki Art Gallery, and repeats that silly jesse-mantra all over again. That man must be out of her mind, I think to myself.

 

[mestari]

Hello everobody!

I can tell you a few things about my favourite team Lynx from Tampere. It is most successful team in finland ice hockey history, but unfortunately it have won all championships before the winter war and I wasnt born yet when. Nowadays it is a big joke in here finland. Owner of the Lynx is some rich swedish guy who lives in New York and he doesnt understand anything about ice hockey. Our general manager is some guy who normally sales socks in his croud and head coach is Raipe who is next from god up but that doesnt help us because we have players who report in facebook that they wanna come to play in here like Probably Deliveryla.

 

[Hande75]

Today is game 1 Finnish Championship final between Lahti's Gamecans more familiarly Pocketjaws and Ball from CornSvillage, what is known also by named Traktor CornSvillage. Latter team won Batman's Enemies in half-set games and first named team won Blues from Town without centre.

Pocketjaws'es head coach Maybe Littleblowjob is known, that he changes always shit to gold. Pocketjaws was playing finnish league Tryout series last year this time.

Traktor's head coach Georgios Glade restituted R. Swimcap, who was fired as soon as possible in semtember 2011.

Let's watch who gonna win world's most illustrious finnish ice hockey championship named Känädä Toast.

 

[kesätyttö69]

Im dissapoint that there is no Final Helmets for Grainvillagers this year like two years a go when Hurricanes droppes before final for Littleblowjobs teams Turu's Ball Company.

 

[Hande75]

Hello all FHL -league watchers. Season 2011-2012 is almost finished. Batman's Enemies aka Jesters won bizarred medals ín bronze match yesterday. St. Louis' namesake team placed 4. It was first medal to BE-team since 5 years.

The final series continue today. Match wins are tied 1-1. Championship solves best of 7 series.

 

[iiron_troikka]

There is translation going because golden boy Mikael Granlund is going to Minnesota to show his famous airwave like in practicecamp he did and newspapers like Eveningmessages (Iltasanomat) are writing that golf of Finnish players is to NHL.

Next season I think Tappara new champions. Many good players in next year playing like Ville Nieminen, who lift championshipbowl in Colorado.

 

[Sennin Wakizashi]

A-P Backwards' Ball Club on the Water Separator

Hello all you need is love!

What do I think next gonna happen now in the Knight-Arena of Twisthill? CoHBC (Castle-of-Häme Ball Club) has a new coach, A-P Backwards, who travelled all the way from the southern wolfborder to the Capitol of the Regional State Administrative Agency of Southern Finland! (He's NUMBER TWO coach will be Pat Smallvalue.)

As some of you may remember, Backwards used to coach Saimaa's Ball, the small but mean and vicious team that bullied Batman's Enemies, HAAC etc. Saimaa's Ball never managed to get to the pity-playoff's but oh, it was so close, so many times. Just like in Grainsvillage, when Matt "winning is overrated" Lowhouse coached the local team. By the way, those were similarly the showings that got Lowhouse the Castle of Häme after the King, Jack Smallnoble, was gone. Lowhouse was, thank God, after all replaced by JACK IRONFOREST, also called Hair-Jack. Great Hero.

Backwards did not move to to the Capitol of the Regional State Administrative Agency of Southern Finland alone but took several Saimaa's Ball key- and role players like Jesse Littleisland and Jonathan Smallbirdcherry with him. Somehow he must have known Thomas Sandmountain and John Totheclearancesale because they wanted to join the team too!

Other interesting prospects for the next season are goalie Mike Smallake, young defenders S. Lowhouse, Alex Valley and Larry Snakepeninsula and attakcer Josh Old Pine Tree. One big question is will the number one central attacker of CoHBC be Arse Smallbishop or do the team have enough potatoes to buy someone familiar to the coach Backwards.

One thing is for curtain: the Pigstand and other sections of the Twisthill will miss their beloved hero, T. "73" McElae (his forname "Tuukka" is kind of hard to translate in English but I thik "Haair" is close enough), and his postmodern writings based on the adventures of CoHBC's massager John I-Melted. But as Haair has said, everything but sailing is unimportant.

We have tedious, Haair!

 

[Aunt Wang]

I hear Janne Pesonen of Sports club comrades in Helsinki is going to the league of our Russian brothers, russians very own KHL. Also Janne's teammate Dennis is going back to her country to play for some kind of an Hockey Clubban in DEL. And ALSO Mikael "weathercrank preciousbigcat(Ilmaveivi kultaleijona) is going to the National Hockey League to play with his good friend Mikko Koivu who likes turtles witch are tiny as Mikke's shit. But that's not all! SCCIH(HIFK in finnish) lose also notable players like Peter Rivernen, Mike Kousa and maybe Elastic Pike Perch(he is 36 years old and dont shave his beard). Also Maximus Warn moves to the Jyväskylä Town FC from his latest team Cove Pelican Birds, Maximus played for SCCIH a while ago.

 

[Tpip]

A typical finnish phrase goes like Where there is a water glass, there is a storm. So now in HAAC's office is somekind water glass situation. HAAC's legendary icon, Kim Suun, is out of contract. There is two different kind stories why Suun don't have (yet) contract to HAAC. Some are saying, that Kim is hitting his hockeyskaters to nail, or he thinks it. Others says that HAAC's sportsfunctionminister, Tom of Finland, doesn't want to give enough money to Kim Suun, because Kim is so old. This is very odd, because Kim is at best ages for sniperplaymakergoalscorerskaterplayer. I hope Kim gets his contract, because Kim Suun - Goal soon.

 

[d2uce]

For those interested, there's an ad on local Ballclub's website that says you can get Jack "Lightbulb" Smallllama to call you. It's something about season tickets.

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello, I just met you, and this is crazy, but heres my number, or is it over there?

Everywhere in the world the excitement is touchedable by hands and it is also raising through the catto right now, because the worlds bestest sporting event is already on-going. Yes, the practicising matches of SM-league are been played as I write!

Somewhere where peoples have pointy ears and they only weld day after day after day, there was already played the mostest intredasting happening of the whole year of the people from that region. This event is called Lace-Tournament. Nobody knows why these pointy eared weirdos and their welder neighbours call this tournament the Lace-Tournament, maybe they are nybling lace instead of playing disc there, or maybe it is because they are all homosexuals. Nevertheless, the Lace-Tournament was played, and some team maybe won it. I don't know. I don't care.

But what everybody are caring about is the team of Saimaas Ball. Like everybody already knowes, Ari-Pekka Backwards left the team and Pexxxi is the new jarikurri of the Saimaas Ball. This of course means that Saimaas Ball will win all the matches in the season and win the trunk series and maybe even those meaningless after season practising games called play-offs. The team of Saimaas Ball is better than ever, all the bestest players from last season stayed in Saimaas Ball, except maybe ten of the best, and even those were replaced by some super all stars from Italian League and Pori Welder league and with young Saimaas Ballians or Mestis-faces. But the most cleverest tactic is that everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, in the team is a year older than year before. Can you have believed in that!

So now you must also know that Saimaas Ball will be the most overpowered team in the history since Jeesus and his teaching childrens played synchronized swimming against some rocks in the bottom of the ocean. I am so exiteded I can not stay inside my trousers!

 

[Stigu]

So now you must also know that Saimaas Ball will be the most overpowered team in the history since Jeesus and his teaching childrens played synchronized swimming against some rocks in the bottom of the ocean.

When I read this kaind of mambo-jambo weirdo stuff, I real ice that FASLapsi has spent her summer eating two money hydrogens and atoms.

Talking a boat Jesus, figure this out about the Hell sink teams:

- Batmans enemies have Moses in their team
- the real fans of Batmans Enemies (called Ultrapampers) can do what Jesus did: share one bread among zillions of fans
- HAAC has Juudas Peltonen in her team
- HAAC has Pasi Iskariot Sormunen as coach
- HAAC has apostole Markus Ilmaweivi in her team
- Shit eater betrayed HAAC before the cock ciecui three times
- when Joel Perävalo was signed to HAAC, all HAAC fans said silently in their minds: Holy Shit!
- when Joel was injured and Retiisi Redenbach was signed, all the HAAC fans said silently in their minds : Jesus!

What good can I say about Saimaa Ball? Not two much. One think I knowtice in summer is that the aboriginals of Lappee are building a highway from Bay of Lappee. This means that all pupil that somehow ecsyy to the shity, can get faster out of there. This is progress!

 

[Major Julli]

Quickly updating the situation in Burgh Aces manning:

- Brother Matt Clay Woman was not good stamina when returning from selfworking sessions. People say he had yellow liquid rised in his hat
- New streghthener Mikaaeli Ryyni is doubtful because of history of head injuries but people raported from Lace Tournament that he skates well and drives to fishing trap if needed
- New defender Patrick "The Disease" Parkinson is very promising and moves very well. Might be in peak six when era starts
- Head Trainer Gary Rock is close to become first coloured head trainer in Finland. He has spent a lot of his free time in Uterry beach grilling his skin. If only the sun fries enough untill the era starts it will happen

 

[Haastattelija]

A few words about The Jokers of Helsinki. The team has stayed pretty much the same as last year. We have a few newcomers, like a member from the Jonas Brothers, Jonas Rask, who has become the new spitting cup among few writers of overtime. Especially name mark Flintstone has bashed Rask ever since his contract was published in the big screen of the shopping centre of tripping.

The other new player in our team is called Moses, and is mostly known of his splitting skills. Moses was hired for only one purpose. His mission is to drag Jokers through the long and tiring carcass series, to the promised land: The dropping games.

We also lost one of our most beloved player of all time. Zoltan "The Pusta's Baron" Hetenyi. He left our team to go play for the Milwaukee Admirals in the AHL. We're all very sorry about his decision, but we understand it, cause last season, our now retired coach called cyclops, didn't let The Baron play, even though our first string goalie Edward Shieldling was injured. The minutes went to Francescos Birchbarkland, despite the fact that he was lavabathing nearly every night.

I'm still very excited about this upcoming season. Can't wait till the first match against the cat beasts of Helsinki. They just lost their notorious shit eating coach to KHL, and promoted their former assistant coach Pasi "Iskariot" Ringling as the new head coach. It's going to be awesome!