Jääkiekko in English

[Hande75]

Yesterday was first final in league called League. Weasels or Pine martens like Batman's enemies fans says, won Battleaxe aka Axeboobs 2-1. There was a terror punch in Oulu's Energy Arena. Donskoi detonated Raksila. Reputedly.

 

[Ostoskassi]

Hai to everibody!

Jestreday, was a day when the finals begin and i tarkkailed some players, and wondered why for example Lasse Little Cock is a avainplayer to the hometeam and i also looked over Olli Burns-a-lot from the battleaxes. For you foregners just a heads up. Channel Little Four showed the game straight so if u missed it, it wos your own fault!

Lasse Little Cock usually pleis as a defender who do not attack at all. You might remember him from olympics 2010, he was the pleier who was always falling and losing discs. In Finland people wanted to kivittää Lasse 'cause Lasse was so bad. But now Lasse plays with the disc a lot from some reason. Some say thatt coach Larry Berryhill was so young in 2010, that he hasn't saw how bad Lasse pleied. As we say in Finland; Berryhill was lapioied shit in the sandbox while Lasse played and was one of the tournaments baddest player. But nowadays Little Cock plais in the first overpower and he just stands in front of the net and wiggles his little stick around.

Olli Burns-a-lot was a komeet in the season and he is playing really good. People in Tammertouch use to call him as soupshoulder, because Olli don't want to use head and shoulders, so he uses his own brand in the shower. One of the reason why Olli Burns-a-lot has been so good this season is 'casue his middleattacker, Jan-Mikael Little Lake. The thing about Little Lake is that he can move the disc and still think at the same time things about the game.

One player was olso good player, Johnmatt Little Wave. Little Wave is so good with the disc that the other players don't know whot he is going to do next. Thankfully Little Wave knows what to do. Little Wave uses his speed to get as quickly as possible to behind the paint.

Is Jussi Boob hert, because Tomi Little Bear still plays? Is Little Bear now their number one paintguard?

 

[Hande75]

Josh Boob was hurten sometimes in season and before Playoffs games. There was a kolumn in Overtime. Somebody wrote that Weasels paintguard game is like lottery ticket, because there is no another good paintguard. Tommy Little Bear had played however as wall. So I think Larry Berryhill thinx, that no reason to change winning goalie.

Battleaxe's paintguard John Capercailliela is bigger queastion character. He saves good but sometimes he makes suprised wrong evaluations like game one. He also bounces discs and lets discs go to goal quite easy.

There is another final of best of 7 series in Hookforest in Tampere. Tampere is big inland city. Tampere is propably biggest inland city in Northern Countries, if I am not in wrong.

 

[Mats Bedö]

Somebody told me that they still play hockey in Finland. Im such a devoted FOPC (Faggots Out of Physical Condition) fan that when they got knocked out of the pity playoffs, I was done with the season. I mean, who the f*ck cares if the rednecks still play hockey? They told me that the team that beat our team (they are called the Gametölkit) went on to play some other team for the place in the semifinals. Like I said, who cares if the rednecks play hockey, but I think it was a team called the Ancient Battle Axe and they come from Manchester, Finland. You know the city where they eat blood sausage and talk funny. It's like Finland's Alabama, if you know what I mean. The other redneck teams in the playoffs at that time were the Sky Colors from a city where they dont even have a downtown. Weird, eh? Like I said, rednecks. The Ball Club from Slow People's Castle. A Ball Club?? I mean they play hockey, right? Whatta fox wrong with these people?? The Lock comes from a city where, if you ever get there (and god please save me from that!), you have no idea what they say to you. It's like the aliens took over the whole city! The name of the team (Lock) is very symbolic, because those people should be locked behind the thick walls and leave there for the rest of their lives, as far as Im concern. And guess what? Another Ball(!) team comes almost from Russia. I have nothing else to say about them. Maybe we should move the border a bit more west so that they could go play in Russia with that pathetic group of no identity and a lot of money. What a waist of air! In the playoffs they also had these two weird teams which rule the Finnish hockey year in year out and nobody knows why. The other team comes from this wild student city of Village of Grain and the team is called JYP. Yeah, go figure! JYP! Try pronounce that. And the other one comes from the land of eternal ice and snow and it's called the Ermines. F*ck! Wouldnt you just be shitting in your pants if you heard that your professional hockey team is going to play against the ermines?? What, are their brains frozen up there?? Please...

Yeah, that's about it. I think the winners of these redneck carnivals will get to choose a toothless fat bitch for a week and go hunt ermines in the snow up to their balls or something. Who knows. Who cares!

My favorite team, you remember the FOPC's, have been fishing for a long time now and they definitely are sun burned to the point that all they need right now is another useless big ego coach, a good summer training session at Mallorca and a few good men from the minor leagues in the US/Canada. That'll be another short season!

Keep your Cheerios! I'm out.

 

[Hande75]

Weasels' paintguard dispersed. Larry Berryhill made paintguards' change. Josh Boob cum to barrier's mouth. Sorry about livechat. Battleaxe is in charge 3-0 after second set. Zebrasmocks were going to pee to pants, because them were going to drive Atte Ointland out.

 

[Hande75]

Weasels upped 3 -3. Michael Jopola made two hacks and Ointland made last. whatever happen next so big is next paint.

 

[Julma#71]

Hello all foreign peoples! I'm sure each and every ones of you have had your eyes attached to the visionradio screen, because the most exciting sportevent in the worlds is happening right now in Finland. I'm ofcourse speakeing of the League Endingsgames, and more importantly of the Play Seven, the culminationpoint of the season.

The Play Seven will be played tomorrow in Oulu between Stoatses and Battleaxe. Everyone in Oulu has been happy the last few päiväs because Stoatses have finded the weapons to answer to Battleaxe's tactic: the preventing of the pointcarver. Yes, the Battleaxe men like to swing their sticks around so Stoatses men get stucked in those. It's very homo tactic if you ask me.

The battlepairs of tomorrow are clear: who will be the better sider-leader, Pasi Parkla or Lasse Littlecock? Who will paint more paints, Juhamatti Littlewave or Olli Burnla? Or perhaps Andy Erkki's Redneck? It's all wery exciting, but one thing's for certain: if Stoatses win, many Ouluans( a polite way to say lestadians) will be very happy and maybe dive into the Rotuaari's ball.

 

[Captain Slow]

Liiga makes a new record or something like that.

First time the Finnish icehockey champion solves in the game seven. Pressures are high. I hope that Oulu's Weasels wins "the boy" aka Canada-cup/bowl/<put another calling name here>

AND I KNOW, MY ENGLISH SUCKS VERY BAD. My English skills are like mixture of Markorepairs "Coffee time in english" - video and Tommi Mäkinen speaking rally english. REIS VOOS PÄÄT PUT KAAR VOOS KUUT!

Edition part one: Oh, i forget one thing. If you don't know, in teh overtime.com forum is.. well.. how to explain this thing, called preveli-gate. Preveligate is preveligate, which is associated with Mika Häkkinen's career hilights and hehtolitres.
Over and out.

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

Shark to all!

1üg don't play just now, but all Kareliacaps are crazy because Scoda cup begin on first week. Lions, or should say Jesters have very shit defence because Sticktape Westerlund and JarJar Curry took shit Jester defencemen like Oscar Backwoodsshoal and Bill Little Laju to team. They also didn't take Mike Little Ball and Lasse Little Cock didn't cum. Kareliacaps are much afraid that Jesters dont be enough balls because Curry didnt like Bill Balls. For luck they have Pekka Dicksausa(ge). Not it is lot manly name? I think that is!!

Finlands Jesters too have much good paintguards. If you be lucky get disc over Little Rapids then still is Hill in front. So Treetops and White-Russia, be much scared.

 

[Hanhi]

Yesterday Finland's headcoach, Westgrove, announced the team to the White-Russia. It included surprises like; Tommy Rockyplace and Juri Martin of defensive line and side-attackers like Tommy Clear Woodlandla and Mike Deep Forest Hill. At least finnish paintguards are top-notch. Slope will make sure that finns are, once again, takin' son back to home.

 

[Apmp-]

Because I don't watch lots of 1üga, some players are very guests for me. Iiro Little Ass Cheek is one of them. Who is he? How can he go to White Russia with teh land gang?

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

Im also blood scared that Jesters play to they right earth, Russia, to it's position to Finland. We see when Backwoodsshoal makes own paint and Little Laju makes good gamers like Dicksausa injury.

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

Johnmatthew Little Wave dont cum to Scoda cup and Sticktape asked Little Ball. Little Ball dont wanna cum because she is different roleplayer. Kareliacaps cry that Little Ball is groundtraitor and FOPC and COP fans cry that Sticktape chooses only Jesters. But now Dicksausa plays Burnla's with. I hope Little Immo injuries too so Little Lake cums in cup.

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

Hai all!

Staysdiscseason start after week. Give me speak few from 1üga teams.

14.Vasa Sport: Sport climbed to 1üga in cabinetgame. They will be from ass.
13.Manchester Bobcat: They wash one another back and be shit and bankrupt.
12.Tavastcastle Ball Club(TBC): They be shit, but they have Yeah It Zarroz as paintguard. They not as shit as Bobcat.
11.Finnish presidents second name's Ball(FinBa): Their trainer is Pekka Stream, who is in someones opinion shit. I think Stream is shit, but FinBa is ok discgang.
---------
10.Castles Aces: Their trainer is Pekka Ironcrag. He is very STC trainer. Aces are shit. Their supporters are still unemployeed welders.
9.COP: COP is too STC team. They have Mike Hillshead, but he be away in mother Russia soon.
8.Is Poo fake-Blues: More STC than COP, but JJ Glade is good trainer.
7.FOPC: They shit, but have good middle and Yeah So Little Cinnamon Roll and Đžóümâšçh Đžçáhbóržскуххх
---------
6. Gulfs Gamecans: They have Treetopla's very popular illegal curve.
5. Turku's Ball Company (the worse TBC): They have good discers like Räiään Läss and Reidek Smolanek, but their bad players must whore money to be alive and have commercials. Turku is very wierd village. Don't go there.
4. Reumas Lock: They have garbage money. They ve very good young promises, like Bill Little Peninsula and Bill Waxbay.
3. Oulus Stoats: They lost Balls on summer. No can win without Balls.
2: Saimaas Ball: They have a Ball in their name. They have Bill Cork, Johnny Little Mark and trainer Pexxxi Super-fucking-massive Tirkko.
1. Lake Mouhi Battleaxe: Battleaxe has best disc players. They have Pekka Dicksausa(1ügas manliest name), Pekka Almost-Bosnian-Capital, Ollie Burnla and Henry "Goonhenkka" Aspenla. Theyr new trainer Johnny Black Sausage is gonna make them rape the 1üga.

No colorglasses.

 

[Murskaaja]

No colorglasses.

Hy! Think you have a little colorglasses on your "Kari Little-Nobble"! Stouts are not gonna be satisfied being only third in League. Its level is more higher. For exsample its dock department has much quality and it has many junior prospects to fill it if any docks go to the sick department. Also they have maybe the best paintguard duo in the entire League. Larry Berryhill will keep the palette in the pile with Captain Lassie Cock (funny because Lassie is dog for real).

They will raise the champion's flag up in the roof of Energy Arena in the very first game in League. What best, it happens in a home match against Axebreasts. I was planning to go on top of the place as this happens. Would begin already!

 

[Kulttimörkö]

Larry Berryhill will keep the palette in the pile with Captain Lassie Cock (funny because Lassie is dog for real).

Also funny because Lassie is a bitch.

We at COP camp are worried because our head commander pussy Marko is so uncastrated ram that he doesn't change his coaching thinking. Now we are waiting for a long and hard season. COP plays very confusing hockey and chases the disc much more than plays with the disc.

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello you losers! Quit killing each others in those foreign countryes called Ucraina and ISIS, and start listening!

This years trunk series is soon starting. Everybodies in the world already knowes what is happening: Saimaas Ball will win everything and Boy will be lifted in Racepark. Last year it was readed in message papers, that Saimaas Ball will be in side 12 or 14 or something, but Saimaas Ball was in side 4 when everything ended. This year message papers say Saimaas ball will be side 4 or 6 or something, so it means Saimaas Ball will be 8-10 sides upper, I dont know mademadics so good that what will be the Saimaas Ball number after season if they are 8 upper than 4. Is it a very big number 1? Or miinus 7?

At side of winning Liig and pleijaris and everything, Saimaas Ball was also called from Europe Money Liig, and they called "Hey Saimaas Ball, this is Europe Money Liig, cum play with us, we love you and you are so good and best and Pexxxxi Little Tirkko is our god also!" So Saimaas Ball will also win this Europe Money Liig thing, whatever it is, and all you foreign människor from European countries can go to your ice disc hall and watch Saimaas Ball win your shitty teams. You was visited by Tuuri! (not that villageshop-place which is owned by Vesa Little Middle, the famulous Finnish child molester).

Because Saimaas Ball will be so overpowerful, the team from Helsinki which is full of pussies, Batmans Enemies (you know there is this Ossi Little Väänä and he has pussies in his car so much that whole team is full already) escaped to Wenäjä because they want to be sodomized by a much gentler force than Saimaas Ball, and they chose to be sodomized by that old guy who always hugs dead animals without shirt and bombs Ukraine, what was his name, Vladimir Pullout or something.

Because Batmans Enemies is no more in the Liig, there was this meeting in the cabinets where all the important disc people talked about what Mestis Team should cum in Liig to replace Batmans Enemies. Because the winner of Mestis Trunk Series was the team called Turku Comrades, and because the championship of Mestis was winned by Mikkeli Jugurts, and Turku Comrades cum second and third was Cock-Cola Herpes, the cabinet did some calculations and then decided the best team in Mestis is Vaasas Portto, and then Vaasas Portto was called and cabinet sayed "Hey Vaasas Portto, here is cabinet, thank you for the money, you will be in Liig next year". So dont be surprised why next year there will be a weird calling team in the Liig that loses all the games and everybodies will laugh at them and say "Go back to Mestis you Cabinet-homos!", it is because cabinet and Liig thinked it would be a fun joke.

So thats it, now you already know that Saimaas Ball will win everything in ice disc this year, now you can go back killing each others. ISIS, special message to you foreign peoples: please do not send any more Semir Ben-Amors to the Liig, we dont want to see Ville Little Field sitting silently inside our televisions any more! You win, we will becum muslims and start throwing battery acid to womens face and murder everybody who is not muslim and whatever other things these muslims are supposed to do!

 

[Bunder]

And here are the names of the finnish hockey league arenas.

Blues - Barona Arena
HIFK - Helsinki Ice Hall (Nordenskiöld street)
HPK - Knight Arena
Ilves and Tappara - Hook of the forest Arena
JYP - Synergy Arena
KalPa - Trust Kapital Arena (Niirala Hole)
Kärpät - Oulu energy arena
Lukko - Stone village Arena
Pelicans - Shock Arena
SaiPa - RacePark Arena
Sport - Vaasa Arena
TPS - HK Arena
Ässät - Large Hill Arena

 

[Espoon Siniset]

Stone Village arena is also commonly known as Dude's Swamp. As is Knight Arena which is known as Hill of bagel.

 

[Osmo Rapeli]

Stone Village arena is also commonly known as Dude's Swamp. As is Knight Arena which is known as Hill of bagel.

Funny fact about these two is that it's actually Knight Arena where they sell Stone Village sausages:

Rinkelinmäki ja HPK:n palvelut - Sivu 76 - Jatkoajan keskustelupalsta

I've also seen hod dogs for sale on several arenas, have you?

 

[Nebula]

KalPa - Trust Kapital Arena (Niirala Hole)

Nowadays, it is Data Group Arena.

 

[Ostoskassi]

Nowadays, it is Data Group Arena.

They change names like panties. What do they think of next?

 

[kahden suunnan sentteri]

They change names like panties. What do they think of next?

This is why it's easier to call all ice halls their original names likes the particular "pothole of niirala", "paddoc forest" or "swamp of the man". I don't get it why companies try to change ice hall names to their shitty names, why don't they just change their own names to same than good ice hall names and take use of already good brand.

 

[Freddie Freeloader]

This is why it's easier to call all ice halls their original names likes the particular "pothole of niirala", "paddoc forest" or "swamp of the man". I don't get it why companies try to change ice hall names to their shitty names, why don't they just change their own names to same than good ice hall names and take use of already good brand.

Oh yes. I really would like to call the Jyväskylä ice rink by the name "The arena, that smells like horseshit".

 

[kahden suunnan sentteri]

Oh yes. I really would like to call the Jyväskylä ice rink by the name "The arena, that smells like horseshit".

It's a good example. If you ask bystanders what is Synergia, they have no clue. But if Synergia instead of giving it's own shit name to the ice hall had taken the ice hall's ready-made brand "The Company, that smells like horseshit" everybody would know which company are we talking about.