Jääkiekko in English

[FASlapsi]

Hello, you weirdos from the foreigner countryes, especially those who has relatives or friends missing.

Do you not find your brother or father anywhere? Is your best or maybe secondest best friend missing? When you try to call your boy friend, does the answering machine play some kind of horrible song, where two CP wammanen brothers are songing "Behind everything is woman"?

Do not sink into unhope! I know where your relatives or friends or boy friends are!

They are in Turku!

Yes, I know. It is horrible. But try to collect yourself, put down the razor blade and dry the tears. There is still hope!

Let me explain, it is a long story, I start from the beginning.

This autumn the people who are leading Turku Ball Company had a weird idea. They said "Hey, lets kick all the Turkuan icon players to Rauma, and force the other Turkuan players to pay their own palcca!" The idea was very shit, but that has never stopped these Turkuan leaders from making the ideas truth.

So first they called Ville Waxbay and Petteri Numm-Dick and sayed "Get the hell out! You do not play in Turku anymore!" and then they called other Turkuan players and said "You get no pay anymore! Get sponsors or something if you want money!". And then all the Turkuan disc players left and went to Rauma or stopped playing.

Turku Ball Company leaders had earlier made the old Mesdarus-coach Maybe Little Blowjob to be the new JariKurri of TBC, but when mr. Little Blowjob cummed in Turku, he realized that there are no players in the team, except Tuomas Little Finland who had some tape in his shirt and in the tape it readed "Hesburger" and "Matti and Teppo". Little Blowjob is a ruthless man, so he then travelled to all foreign countryes and begun to kidnap people. He collected so many foreign peoples as he needed, put them in disc player costume and then begun to yell at them "Cannot cunt go two metre feeds three metre ohi!" And then he beat the foreigners with a whip and screamed, and pretty soon all the foreign players were so afraid they started playing ice disc.

Too bad that the foreigners and Tuomas Little Finland are not very good at playing ice disc, so TBC begun to lose almost all the games. No one in Turku wanted to cum see some foreigner cescitysleiri prisoners play bad ice disc, and TBC was making defeat in finance. The leaders of Turku Ball Company tried everything to fix the issue, they called to message papers and sayed they want to have a leaf happening. In the leaf happening they had big cardboard statues of Ville Waxbay and Petteri Numm-Dick even though they played in Rauma, and then they sayed congratulations to Oulu Stoats because they are so good, and that everything TBC leaders have done has been very clever and correct, because they know that when it is put to message papers then it will be true. But still no Turku people cummed to see TBC lose all matches.

And now cums the good news for all the foreign peoples who has relatives or neighbors missing: TBC has thrown the towel to the ring, and they will now let the prisoners back to their home countryes. Of course you must first pay the ransom pay, but already have two of the foreign people ransoms been payed and they have been sent to home. In their home countries these freed peoples are now celebrities, they are like Risto and Seppo of the foreign countries, and they talk about Turku and Maybe Little Blowjob like Risto and Seppo talked about Jolo island and Robot commander.

So, send your money to Turku with paper which has your relatives name in it, and the TBC leaders will send them to you. Remember, send your money to Turku Ball Company, not Turkus Comrades, because if you send the money to Turku Comrades, it will only go into Juhani Little Oaks pocket and you get no relatives back, only a note which says weird profetias like "Go to North Korea, one way ticket, Cock for me, BUM BUM BUM BR JT #79".

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

The oakmoon is almost over and 1üga decides soon what teams are taken to 1üga on next season from Mostice. Turku's Comrades, also known TuCo, are one of teams what have chance to get to 1üga. But John Little Oak thinks that TuCo owes him a lot of money, so TuCo no necessarily have enough money.
So now it looks that they have to take Vaasa Sport.

It would be great to see TuCo to play in the same league with TBC because TBC is shit and TuCo is good. TuCo would also be good choice because Jesters go to кхл, and Turku was capital of Finland before Finland existed, so there could be a localmatch in capital of Finland still. But I think Nääsville should become the capital of Finland because Hellzinc is turning to Russian and Turku is just small village at this moment.

From the game.
Battleaxe beat Stouts 3-2 in Tuesday and are now 5 points from tip.
TBC was btfo by Jesters in todays so-nineties-classic 1-7. Only Finnish player to score was Nick Field, though Ossi probably scored after the game as well. Ladislav Nagy scored 3 and icehall was called wienerpot, but now its called Nagypot.

Im also very happy because I won 75 euros in longpull because Battleaxe won by three, SaiBa won by too and SeB-Academy won. But I was more happy too weeks before when I win forhundredfifty euros in longpull.

 

[motamoro]

Nobody has write about Pori Aces season so far, so maybe it's my job to light that up.

Pori Aces has very big Champion hangover. The are now in place 12/14 and 10 points behind pity playoffs line. They changed champion coach Curry Stone to Pekka Stream whose 2 former teams are now in positions 13 and 14 in Liiga. Random? I don't think so. In Novemmoon Aces lost all but one match and in Christmasmoon all games. That's very bad. Last season champion Eero Life make 4 paints in 4 first games but then no paint about 30 games. He has big monkey on his shoulders.

Aces biggest star is Nicholas Hagman whose Pori born wife said "I want come back to Pori". So then ex-NHL star Hagman cum back to Finland. Hagmans radarpair is Dragon the SerbianSwedish who has passed almost every Hagmans goals. Other Ace players has been very garbage.

Aces biggest problem is that when they are leading game. Then no players on ice don't play anymore and only watch what other team will do. Almost every time other team do couple of goals and when Aces are losing they start to play again. But it's too late because game is going to be end soon.

In my case is also one funny thing. Everytime when I'm on trip or other stuff to do that i can't watch Aces game, Aces win. And almost every time I watch they lose. That is very big to dilemma for me because I want to look their games but loses are not good thing. And I can't be as happy about victories when I don't see it.

 

[V-G-]

Week's hottest players by 1üga are Lad-is-love Naged and Teuvo "king of dual carriageways" Little Sharp. They score lots. Also captain Ozzy Little Vaana scores lots and Batman's Enemiesses DJ Amanda thinks Little Vaana is very hot. So this means Hellzinc is only hotspot in winter Suomi. Also one mostice player showed haucca in eveningshit wap page but no one interesteded.

 

[FASlapsi]

Yellow, you color blinds!

Yesterday there was news in the message papers: "Last year winners, the S-letters from Pori, will not go to play-Jarit or even pity-play-Jarit, now it is true."

First I have to explain what are these play-Jaris and pity-play-Jaris things. Every year when the Liig trunk series is over, begins these meaningless practice games with some of the teams. The bestest teams in the trunk series go straight to Play-Jaris (named after the two of the mostest famulous playing Jaris from Finland, ice disc player JariKurri and leg ball player Jari Little Litma). Then the teams who are not so good but are not totally shit like TBC or Kalevas Ball either, go to pity-play-Jaris (named after all the other Jaris who are not JariKurri or Jari Little Litma, like gay singing brothers Jari BridgesEnd and Jari Henrik "Posci" Little Tiiho).

And now S-letters will join the club of "Almost Mestis" teams with TBC and Kalevas Ball. All the year have people been saying that S-letters suffer from mesdaruscrabula, or Champion hangover, and that is why they are so shit. All Porish peoples have been waiting that the hangover is over, and that S-letters will again rise like Fenix-bird and win another Mesdarus. They tried everything to help, but nothing worked.

It did not help that there is now a Rock of Winning in the village of Pori.

It did not help that one Porish woman telled to his husband Niklas Hagman that now there is two options: either we move to Pori or I will kill you, but then after quick decision by Niklas he did not dead after all and they goed with plan B.

It did not help that every night hundreds and tens of Porish people gather to Rock of Winning, and they listen the band Night from cassette player, burn Raumaian people alive, cut their hairs to irocheesis, paint their faces black and red and mylvähded the names of their lost saviours, Antti Beeach, Joel Käsia, Brother-Matt Claywoman and Karri Rock, hoping that S-letters would not be so shit.

But nothing helped. S-letters is now officially shit.

Already hundreds and tens of Porish people have been found hanged in their shitty clay-majas they call homes. There was a mass self-murder around the Rock of Winning last night, where some Porish people drinked poison called "Porish Beer" and naturally they all died horribly when their inner things like macsa and stomach bag burned away. There is now a live TV show in every Finnish channel where helicopter films the village of Pori, where all the remaining Porish people have gathered and they cry and cry and march slowly but steadily towards the sea like some self-murder thinking, retarded sopulis. Olli Lindholm leads the march. This has already been named "The Last March of the Porish". Raumain people have already gathered to march route to celebrate and kannustaa Porish people to run faster.

Ice disc is a serious thing, especially among the retarded peoples. Remember that when you cum to Finland, you stupid foreign moran.

 

[Ostoskassi]

Jellow everyone. I am very haapy to see that some really old players has been really good so far in liig. Ville Little Field is playing almost as good as he played in nevö forget. HAAC's coach Rage Little Summary is very happy that Little Field is palying so good. HAAC was muukalaislegioona in the beginning of the season, but now it seems that they will go to play-jaris. Some times Little Summary is so crazy that he talks some weird shit to television, some times he don't wanna talk to media at all and second trainer Joonas Denmark goes and talk to the media. Iiro Little Paka is making his läpimurto in this season. Little Paka started this seson as a winger after that he has been playing also as a middle attacker and also as reverseman. Little Paka is Little Summarys bitch and Rage has told to Little Paka that if he plays bad he will be a paintkeeper in a next game so Little Paka has to be good in every game. If Little Paka plays badly Little Summary starts to scare him and he always say to Little Paka that "Do you wanna go back to the fishcock-village, do you? Cause if you want, we can arrange that." Ussually at this moment Little Paka starts to wet his eyes and Little Field comes to lohduttaa. After Little Paka has stop crying he is playing always better and shows to Little Summary that he don't wanna go to town full with Nigga-Kapas, espessaly because there are more Little Kapa's, now than ever. HAAC also saved Jasse Little Iko from Little Kapa's kynsistä. That is very good news 'cause earlier this season Little Iko became a father, so HAAC saved the whole family at one.


Future HAAC's verivihollinen Espoo's Blues is interesting team 'cause they got two players from South-Finland. Those who don't know what is South-Finland don't worry i'll tell you. South-Finland is a magical place 'cause they got really cheap alkohol and woman. Sometimes people go there just to buy beer (called "German") and some guys like to spend time with South-Finland woman and pay for that. So anyway Robert Rooba and Siim "Wet-Simo" Vestik is playing in Espoo. They also made a tempaus that you could go to watch ice-disk game and pay nothing, but this thing was only available if you were South-Finland citizen. Something dramatic happend olso in Espoo when their precious Juuso Little Iko had a big riita with trainers. Juuso thinked that he is to good for practises and only giftless players trains. So Juuso went to Hippovillage. Usually Espoo trusts to their own juniorplayers and the junior get a näytönpaikka in Espoo. For example Tomi Little Salli and Niklas Little Tikki are both native Espoo people. Matt Little Lake has born in London so if they got two South-Finland players they olso got player from London, Big-Britain.

 

[Squit]

Weri nais to bee here again and hellow to everybody. I haven't talked much about my favour team, Eiz pee Gay (HPK) late, but i'm return. We haved hard season begun, because there was some problems in the box. Old valmentdrive Ei-Pee Backwards left us and goed to the Paris in to east. Paris is the club in kasasczzzatana (i no know how write it lol). We have a new valmentdrive who name was Maybe "Drill" Rautio put he just make problem in the box with spleijers. First "Drill" say to Jemanation I'mlonen to go fuk. Our kapitano Dennis Bushcreated said to "Drill" to "nooo u fak!" and Maybe responded "noo u fak!". We haved full war here in the box! But lakily everything is better now becaused "Drill" get shoe from our wirestair. Our secondvalmentdrive begun our firstvalmentdrive and his name is P. Little-value. In same crash V. Bushrapids begun secondvalmentdrive. Now its lidell better, but we are notin in pityplayoffs jet. We dont paint too much! Our paintsecurity is veri good, thanks to jung Yesthat Saros. Our play is better put we need paint goals often moore. Oterwais we are screwed. We payed last summer paintmaker Yesnas Notebook, but he havent painted too much.

I really hope we get to pitypleijers. :(

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello, you homo Hitlers and hetero Stalins!

Yesterday was a big day for all the sportsman homos: one Finlanders sportsman called television, and sayed "I am homo". Soon the floppy eared television man who some times dresses up as cheer leader organized a television program, where the homo sports man whose sports is water swimming sayed again "I am homo". Then the floppy eared television man phoned another water swimmer, and then made the gay swimmer say again "I am homo". All the time the floppy ear grinned like retard and nodded innoissaan and sayed "Hear this, he says he is homo! Did you hear? He is homo and he says it!"

Now all the message papers are filled with pictures of this brown hole knight swimmer, and the text says "He is homo!" and everybodies says "Good work gay swimmer!", "Homos are best!" and "Y M C A".

Some peoples also begun to think it would be good if some of ice disc playing gay men from Liig would call to the message paper and say "I am homo too". So far no ice disc players have not called, except Daniel Widing, Joakim Lundström, Oscar Eklund, Daniel Fernholm, Tommy Wargh, Adam Masuhr, Per Savilahti-Nagander, Johan Larsson and Dragan Umicevic, but they are all Swedish so everybody already knowed they are gays, it was no news to even the famous Finnish skiier Juha Mild who is always so surprised about everything.

I think it would be good idea to force all the Liig gays out of the closet. Then they should wear pink helmet when they play so that everybody would know which players are gays and which normal.

Now when everybodies just play with same helmets, situation can happen where enemy player tacklaas Saimaas Ball player, and then I scream "Vitun homo!" What good is that if the player who tackled was really a homo? Nothing! If I would see a pink helmet player tackle Saimaas Ball players, I could then yell "Vitun hetero!" and the fagot would then be very angried, and keep screaming "Vitun homo!" to all the rest.

So cum out of the closets all of you, then message papers put your face in paper and it reads "He is a hero. And homo too!" over your face. Hey Posci, you too, cum out of the closet even you are no ice disc player! And bring that Teuvo Little Hakkara with you!

 

[Stigu]

I think it would be good idea to force all the Liig gays out of the closet. Then they should wear pink helmet when they play so that everybody would know which players are gays and which normal.

I ginda like the idea, specially when the closets in the Pucucoppi are so small. It is uncomfortable for homo to stay in such matolaaticco for long time. I heard a story that in Bay of Lappee, there was one homosexual who was stuck in the GotIndeed locker room for 3 years before the other players find him. One day someboody hear terrible oihcina and woihcina from the locker and he opened the door. Out came first 235 liters of cumshot, and then on the floor fell Henry MakesoundlikesheepwithletterL. Because of this gay insident , Henry change his name to Cumshot. But because all the aboriginals in Bay ofLappee were embarrazzezed of this gay outcome, the Police first froze Cumshot's bank account and then his gayme shirt. That gayme shirt is still frozen in the barn yard of GotIndeed to remind all the aboriginals that gay is terrible and embarrazzazing illness.

I tänker that the pink helmet is good ahaa-living experience from FASLapsi. It would be good also if other perverts and loosers would have different helmets, like:
- all players, whose fiwes and bitches have been fucked by other players would wear black helmet
- all players who have fucked their teamcavereiden fiwes or bitches or dogs or parrots or sheep or damnsugare would wear green helmet with a blinking flash light on top of helmet
- all players who have been driving in Cänni, should wear a russian army Suiccapäähine

The problem is that if you are a homo, and number 12 (that CimmoCapanen-colour huge Timo of Night) in your team has penetrated into you dog, and you have been driving in Cänni, then it is hard to wear three different Head-hine at the same time and play good hockey and Go Forward like Juti. And annu vidare: If you have a black helmet and 15 player in your team have green helmet then maybe you start zinkin: Why the hell has my five and parrot been so happy wiime aicoina?

But I am sure Calervo will solve this out.

 

[Ostoskassi]

Some peoples also begun to think it would be good if some of ice disc playing gay men from Liig would call to the message paper and say "I am homo too". So far no ice disc players have not called, except Daniel Widing, Joakim Lundström, Oscar Eklund, Daniel Fernholm, Tommy Wargh, Adam Masuhr, Per Savilahti-Nagander, Johan Larsson and Dragan Umicevic, but they are all Swedish so everybody already knowed they are gays,

The most famousest homosexual ice disc playing man is Mats Sundin. In Finland everyone was so thrilled that Mats said it out loud that finnish people made a song to tribute Mats Sundin, and the fact that he is homo. Finnish people sang this song in swedish so Sundin would know excactly how ok it was to be gay. In Toronto or in Sweden people weren't so hywäksyväisiä that they would sing about it, but in Finland people were proud that Sundin could be himself.

If homo-people would play with pink helmets then in one NHL team there would be a lot pink helmets on the ice. I think also that they sould wear the pink helmet in the shower, so the homo-afraid people would not have to worry about dropping thei shaippua. Also Sweden's national ice disc team should change it name from "tre kronor" to "three little pink helmets".

 

[Uleåborgir]

Finlandish ice disc is now in danger, because swimmers pool are filled with water, and ice is made of water. We in Finland know this, we are Finlandish after all ;)

When ice discers start to think ice, they think about water, then they think about homosex swimmer "Lucy" Liu(kkonen) some say that "Liukkari". Well (not that water place). This leads The Noble Deers (Jalopeurat that is Leijona in old Finland) are confused in Olympic Competetions in homosexfoobic Soviet Union.

Now has water the homosex stamp in it because homos swim in it and all the swimmers are homosex, even you if you jump naked into lake in summertime from your summer möck's winger (laituri).

 

[verikuut]

It was really god yesterday the tug came out. It came straight to straight tugfobiamen faces, and when gay man comes to hetero man face it's like a rainbow in the dark. Not to mention The Dark, who borrows out first center which is right and captain to better people.

 

[verikuut]

Top head today, braking news

Corn-Esa burns to league

 

[Ostoskassi]

Hautuu to you? I am fine, and i hope that where ever you are the sun is cooking. But even tough i got a job in hand (you know what i mean), let's talk about the liig first.

Now it is sure that Pekka Stream will not continue to work with S-letters. Stream had a contrahti to the year 2015, but now everyone knows that he will not work there in the next season, back in the good days Pekka Stream's nickname was "bad-pekka". S-letters sportleader Mika hope's-a-lot, said that "he hopes that the team will have a workpeace for the rest of the season." That same sentence was also in continuetime's netleaf. Last year when Curry Rock was S-letters coach, they first played shit. Then S-letters palkkasiwat Pekka Stream to be the next seasons coach. When this happened Curry Rock and S-letters capteeni Willy Newhouse talked to the team how they were playing shit and why they weren't playing better. Then Curry Rock made a this kind of a face: (:o) and everyone started playing again. Also they got Eero Life who scored six paints in play-jaris from Rauma's Lock, and then Antti Beeach went to jumala -moodi and a lot people improve their game. For example Aki Newmansion (not a relative to Newhouse) and Brother-Matti Little Claywoman. Right now S-letters are far from play-jaris, and even pity play-jaris are too far away. It Does not look good for S-letters, last spring they lifted the Canada-Bowl kohtied Bighill icehall sealing, this year they will have long summervacation, because they are shit and they have lost Curry Rock's midaksen kosketus.

 

[kämmäri]

A tramatic thing happens todei. Cheirmän of finnis icehoky playman assosication Yoursthey Muuristribe say if someone homosexuell in club its goot to kiip informationen in lokkerroom and no Press konferens arrange. Plenty reporters pull pea to nous. Also meni Overtime foorum wroters tuuk tat too to nous. No its wey important to ensour tät nhooäls players asssosisation say that heterosexuell kan play, homosexuell kan play, hybridsexuell kan play. Alla kan play! Amerikas basketpall assosiation cant say any moore that wite Man cant jump, that is rasist. Wite Man kan altso jump. Look at example famos Finis jumpper Oscu Dorro. Tis Kay kan jump. What aput iigor Ukhov that gui kan jum even if trunk.

 

[Jaws]

Hey, I was one of the few people who went to Wiener Pot Arena or WP Arena as they call it in Turku. There was an ice disc -match between two grate teams, the reigning champions Pori Aces and TBC from Turku. Pekka Stream is a former couch of TBC and didn't appear in the press conference after the match. It was not new news. New news would have been if he did appear. He didn't. Don't know what's going on really. Well, TBC couch called Probably Little Suikka did appear so we heared his comments about the game. Personally, I have to say the guests were pathetic - but I guess the home sweat home team was more patheticer since they losed. It was awful. TBC had the changes to score but simply one couldn't so... They losed again. I've been thinging lately, wouldn't it be good an idea to chance the name of Pori Aces? Pori S@ sounds somehow awesome to me!

BTW. Pori S@ seemed to have a so called playbook but it didn't pay off wery well. Still they winned! Whirligig in the corner and don't shot too much goal keeper. Willie Isäntäikka was in the TBC goal and allowed them still to score. We have to do some chances in the organizatisazation. "Test time is not the same as try out", our fixu deliver leader Nikke Östersgurbörder or something used to say. He also uses to like Oulu's Stoats. When they suksee, we suksee. We happy.

 

[ernestipotsi]

SM-Liigas..,or 1ügas like it is now, match program has designed badly.

Liiga is played in same time than Olympiks. Only muutama Liiga-players will play in olympiks (Lassie Littlecock, Olympik-Ozzy and Zuha-Mädi Little Wawe) but still it is very large broblem that in perjantai they play ice disc loop with 4 games in Liiga and in Olympiks Finland play opposite to Norway. All these games are played same time!

In olympiks women can play ice disk too. They can't tackle but they have to hold crosswords on theys face. Famous female ice disk players are Noora Sepposdaughter, Michelle Littlebithairy and Jenni the mouse who touched. And all woman ice disc players are lesbos.

But the other things....HAAC has announced player contracts. Iiro Littlebutt, Cheese Woodstinen and Kari Hirvonen will play in HAAC next year! There has been rumours that Toni Cute and Will nevöfoget Littlefield will continue in HAAC shirts. Also Batman's Enemies player Teemu Little-Divorce might transport to HAAC.
Big rumour is also that HAAC coach is Andy Littlecrash and Jonas Denmark will continue as analhole-coach.

Rumours are never wrong. If you doesn't believe me Peter North will cum in your mouth. I have work tomorrow but my lovely neighbours, family of Timos of the night have a party going on. But Timos have bigger eggs than me. Now we grill!

 

[FASlapsi]

Stop the weighing machines! Stop them, I said!

OK. Now that those machines have stopped, cum closer. I have important news for all you foreign peoples. I would have telled the news earlier, but I was calling Porian and Raumish people retards and I got cake, I got sacco, Satan.

Luckily my brother comed to the jail I was eating cake to help me escape. He had tatuoied all kinds of weird pictures all around her body, and then he called moderator-polices, and said "I have self-moderatored" and then he was thrown in jail as well.

Unfortunately all those tattoos were just some tribals and chinese letters that meaned words like "Soppa" and "Kakka" and other HAAC-coach related things. So they did not help me escape at all. I had to eat my whole cake, now it is eated, now I am out.

By the way, if you want to know what happened to my brother was, he was executed in electric chair, but nothing dramatical.

But while I was in jail, the ice disc Liig has happened forward. The trunk series was over, and some teams were left to play these meaningless practice-games called Playjaris. Some teams even played practice-games for these practise-games, those games were called Pity-Playjaris before, but now they are called Holiday Ring Games. I do not know why, but I do not know why there is also this tournament called Lace Tournament, and a team that is named Pelicans. Weird things happen in Finnish ice disc liig.

Of course all of you want to know what has happened to the mostest bestest and greatest team of all, Saimaas Ball from Lappees Bay. Saimaas Ball played against the Cornvilles Team called COP, it was sometimes Cop HT and sometimes before even Cop HT Ei Savuting Joukkue, but now it is called COP or Tractors. For some reason Saimaas Ball and COP played seven practice-games, and after that, COP was going to holiday but Saimaas Ball still keeps playing practice games. I do not understand what is the meaning of this, especially because Saimaas Ball winned more games than COP, and still Saimaas Ball got penalti and COP got holiday.

Now Saimaas Ball is playing against Oulu Stoats. Oulus Stoats are the Masters of the Universe, even though Oulu is a shit towwn. It is true, it says so under a bridge in Oulu. Oulu people are these kind of usconto weirdos called lestas. They have lots of babies and then they drive with them in their farmer Volvos. Saimaas Ball paint keeper is also Volvo, but he is not farmer, no, that would be the COP players.

Oulu Stoats said before practice games "We will play four games against Saimaas Ball, and then we will play finalis." Now they have played four games, but finalis are not yet played, instead Saimaas Ball is again penalized and they must play more. Those bastard Ouluian lie-puccis! Ville Float already had bought a boat trip to Talcastle for his family, but now he must cancel the boat trip because Oulus peoples say "You must play more practice games!" I feel sorry for Ville Float.

Volvo Little Mark and Pexxxi Little Tirkko are also angry, they have been crying in the message papers and saying "This is shame for ice disc!" and "It is so heavy, against half the Finland and also against the mallets!" They all feel sorry for Ville Float and his cancelled family boat trip.

For some reason, Kimmo Little Kapa, the neeger and black sheep of the Kapas family also called to message papers, he was also angry and sayed "It is not fair, we do not get growing money for the player we bought yesterday and sold today, this is racism, give me social welfare, you racist white people!" Nobody understands what he is saying, maybe that is because he keeps playing the bongo drums while he speaks.

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello, all you wonterful foreign peoples! Me love you long time, you are so great, I hope I am same kind people as you and not Finland man at all.

Today is the day everybodies in Finland are most shameliest. It is the day when the pronce game of ice disc Liig is played. Like the Cock-loving ice disc lion number 79 said, I shame, I SHAME!

Nowhere in the world is this pronce game played, expect in Finland. It is so very nolo! Why are we not doing like all the other world peoples, but instead do something what we have desided to do ourselves? It is so shameful, as shameful as it is to throw up beach toys in to the ice when playjaris are over, no one in the world does it expect Finlanders. This kind of things must not be done! Expect if it is done in America or Russia or some other cool foreign country, then it can be done and it is normal and not shameful.

Also the Finlands ice disc team names are shameful. Nowhere in the world is teams named like Pori S-letters or Tampere Bobcat or Oulu Stoats. It makes me sick to read these names! Only the peoples in Lahti have understood how should a team name is, their team is called Gamecans, it does not sound like some embarrassing Finnish word, but it is cool foreigner name.

One of the Helsinki teams does the right thing, and moves away from the nolo Finnish Liig, and goes to play to Russias Hobo League. This team is replaced by some team which also has a cool Englander name, it is called Sport. Maybe it is related to Jari Sporttila, famous Finnish tv-reporter who has eye bags and is nolo because he speaks Finland language.

Saimaas Ball is also almost Russianish, sometimes other teams write commercials in Russian letters when they are playing against Saimaas Ball, so Saimaas Ball is the third coolest team in Finland. But it is still a team from Finland, so it is not very cool at all.

I hope Vladimir Putin comes to Finland, and says "Now this is Russia" so that then we can be Russianish and not shameful Finlanders who do nolo things and speak own language who nobody else speaks.

Thats it, I must now stop because I am so much in shame. Sorry that I are areing.

 

[Nötkötti]

Ass the People named My-Mom-Drinked-Alkohol-When-She-Was-Pregant-For-Me-Child Said beforehead me, todie is great day to Lake Saimaas Ball, or said he? Whatever, todie is really guud day for Lake Saimaas Ball, because, they have pronze game, against Raumas Lockfoxes, at Raumas Stonevillage-arena. Because Saimaas Ball, änd Raumas Lockfoxes lost games against Tamperes Battleaxe, änd Oulus Stouts, they must play the glorius ice disc 1ügas pronze game. Saimaas Ball häs the veri guud oppourtinuti to have their second pronzemedal, when SaiBa wonned their beforemedal, was year 1966. Now we are veri excshitted about what kind of tactiks have Pekka "Pexxxxxxxi" Tirkkonen änd Risto "Swimminghat" Dufva, häve done. This konna be excshitting evennig.

 

[Wiljami]

Is no understands in Lappee's beach that is easy to make team be not nolo but cool like america. Its now "SaiPa" that is finlandish, but make in English and cool when "GoT" and mean same thing.

This free Pr0-tip from champshit (or is champthis? Kal€-lüga I meen).

 

[Kulttimörkö]

Me have to go bäk to the geim seven, but do not mistake this for the moving picture seven that is about the cereal killer. The ultimate geim seven that was geimed in Lappee's Beach and the homeboys of Saimaa's Ball was not good hosts and taked the win. After that geim, there was some jang duuds that was like Saimaa's Ball jiers a go. The duuds was pissheads and steeled van Cornville's COP fan's leather bag full of mani. This ice disc craziness is nau with some duuds heads too and not only in the heads of ice disc 1üga general manitzers. Take all the fans mani they sayed and clapped their hairy hands.

But nau there is new news. Van Saimaa's Ball fan has been shamed about the duuds deed and payed the steeled mani back to Cornvilles COP fan clubi. Nau all the Cornvilles COP fans are clapping their hairy hands to that nais duud. The steeled duuds, I call them Timos nau, shuld get it up the ass of Timo many times from Russiansh big duuds.

 

[Stigu]

I hope Vladimir Putin comes to Finland, and says "Now this is Russia"

You better think. Think about what you're trying to do to me. And also think how nolo Hjallis would feel. After all the rich bold and beutiful-juonittelu to get the Batman Enemy into KHL, there would saddenly bee 13 other finnish teems in KHL! Just like that! No calagavaluuc, no juonittelu!

I tänker att SaiPa will fittu KHL very eesily. Just look and listen at eny KHL game: The crowd very often starts yelling: SaiPu SaiPu! I think että they have just some luckyhäiriö.

And then least but not last: I tänker att FASlapsi is catsoo egg in pysty the bronze game. Winning that game is like a wictor ek to SaiPa.

But what other team would have players like Little Monkey, one-sixth-of-an -euro, Puck-that-is-flying, ordinary-guy-without S or ass-flipped in their team? The SaiPans are very very pervert but at the same time quiet harmless pupil.

 

[aceman81]

So tit Rauma Garbage Tuki men won a lucky loser metal over te Wild Beach Men. Geim winning goal was made by lokal boy Otto TreeShamaani, and in putted by Willie Waxxby, who normally plays nier tö RiverBoats. But now wasnt normal.

Garbage Tuki men couch Risto Boldman spoken after the game, he happy wit tö risalt, almost cried but didönt. Some Wild Beach pleir cried, but only a tiny. The houl Rauma is overhanging tomorou, and a lot of almoust died old geezers will smile and happy nier the Pystykaffe.

 

[Uleåborgir]

So it begins. The Greatest shitstorm of our lifetimes. The match between Flood River's Castle's Stoats and Tamp Little Bonfire's Ere's Sausage.

I hope that Tamp Little Bonfire's Ere's Sausage's Little French Town Little Peninsula doesn't piss into Stoat'ses cerial too much. In Stoat'ses paint there is Tomi Little Bear, the wicket ranger Jussi (not juicy) Hooter is the best wicket ranger in the League. Some have said that our Little Wave is ä hörh. No he isn't, he is a sympatic Caesar of Pit Way, Underbeaches Nasty Head, he is from a Finlandish municipality called Pause mark (II).

He has olympic brons metal and moemmoem gold just like Lasse Little Cock and Michael O'Bicycle. Thats why we always play Queen's Bicycle Race song here in Flood River's Castle when Stoatses win. Another many times playd song is same orchersters piece "Me olemme herkkusienet" (We are the champions in England's tongue).