Jääkiekko in English

[Apmp-]

Do you know what is the divorce between Tauski, the sadly-famous Finnish schlager singer, and the Bobcat of Mansester?

Tauski beats his womans but Bobcat does not beat anybodies. Or maybe the Stubborns of St. Mickel. But nobody else.

This witzi is from very funny Finnish tv programme called Waterfall. The bestest and funniest guy in Finland called Donald MoosePeninsula telled all these funny Tauski jokes. Also this Tauski and Bobcat joke. Donald also telled joke about Finland's country team when some players were cought smoking cloud. Country team couch Jukka Little Noble didint say nothign about this. It remains to be seen if new couch Insulating Tape Länsi-Erlund will be angry to the cloud-players.

 

[Evil]

This witzi is from very funny Finnish tv programme called Waterfall.

Oh, I sea. I did not look that program. I heard that from a kid in the school I work. (I teach England there two.) I too heard a other joke. What is the divorce between fishes and the Hellsinki Fools? Well, fishes makes the web swing.

This will be a tensionful ice disc evening. Shall the best winneth!

 

[Apmp-]

Oh, I sea. I did not look that program. I heard that from a kid in the school I work. (I teach England there two.) I too heard a other joke. What is the divorce between fishes and the Hellsinki Fools? Well, fishes makes the web swing.

This will be a tensionful ice disc evening. Shall the best winneth!

This was very funny. I haven't heared that befour.

This joke is from Waterfall two but because Foreigner probably doesn't watch it, I'm going to tell it now.

What is common with Bobcat and old book? They are both soon in the diwari!!

I'm continuing to boicot the FM-league because of the shit suspension to the Batman's enemy. I won't not watch any dropping games. It's also easy to boicot because TBC is playing golf and eating Ruisleipä in Ruissalo.

 

[Julma#71]

This witzi is from very funny Finnish tv programme called Waterfall. The bestest and funniest guy in Finland called Donald MoosePeninsula telled all these funny Tauski jokes. Also this Tauski and Bobcat joke. Donald also telled joke about Finland's country team when some players were cought smoking cloud. Country team couch Jukka Little Noble didint say nothign about this. It remains to be seen if new couch Insulating Tape Länsi-Erlund will be angry to the cloud-players.

Waterfall is also the bestest vision radio programme in Finland. It hired the bobcats readier Raib Little Pearl after he got kicks from Bobcat. He was a wery funny sketch character.

Also from Waterfall have comed many very funny other sketch characters from the sketch character competition, like Cockman. Maybe Cockman is the the readier of Stubborns from Mock in the upcoming league relegations against Bobcat.

Bobcat's readier is Thomas Bringola, a mexican man who readies disc control ice disc. He got kicked from Kaleva's Ball by Kimmo Little Kapa(a neeger). I don't know why. Maybe he just wasn't the neeger they wanted.

 

[Evil]

Cockman.

From Cockman came to my mind the famous train puller from Savonia, the Flying Fishcock. Perhaps the Kapanens ride that if they are winful today with the Kaleva Ball.

I too understanded just now, that there is a tall railway over the Atlant powersea. There must be, because so many Finished ice disc players have come to homecountry from United Forces with a milk train.

 

[Apmp-]

Bobcat's readier is Thomas Bringola, a mexican man who readies disc control ice disc. He got kicked from Kaleva's Ball by Kimmo Little Kapa(a neeger). I don't know why. Maybe he just wasn't the neeger they wanted.

Is Bring Cola from Turku? In finland tongue that is Tuokkola and in turku tongue Tuak Kolaa. Same thing with Nami Bia (May I have candy)

 

[Wiljami]

Is Bring Cola from Turku? In finland tongue that is Tuokkola and in turku tongue Tuak Kolaa. Same thing with Nami Bia (May I have candy)

Maybe is mistake name and from westcoast-rapper? Is Doyoubring?LosAngeles, or Tuokko?LA.

Is also good song flying fishcock, they sing also Mickel and nickel so is almost the new boy goes to sauna song this year when we all in Mickel go spell at marketplace after the tiim and eggman (who is had his hand breaken last weeks ending) wins the dropping plays against bobcats and BringCola / DoYouBringLA.

The boy goes to sauna song is maked in JYPinkylä, or Grainsville for all you outlanders, by the rapper-artist Boy (who goes to sauna maybi?) but the new old song is from man who is Easy Little Buttocks. He liveded in almoest same place is Mickel, but in north-Savoy in Stealing.

 

[Apmp-]

Maybe is mistake name and from westcoast-rapper? Is Doyoubring?LosAngeles, or Tuokko?LA.

Or maybe he's a america's cousin to former TBC-player Marco Doyoubring. Doyoubring was very good rouchija in TBC fourth-line last century when they winned the champion ship every year. He won three Chickenda-Bowls in his first three seasons. Maybe Lynx coach is his brother from another mother from LA.

Doyoubring played in Fucking homo-gay-land Sweden many seasons, mostly in Manneknife IK.

 

[Evil]

Is also good song flying fishcock

If only a beautiful female noise would sing that. Like the girl from Strangehill, who buttered that singing race in television some years backwards. I think she was named Give A Tree.

 

[ernestipotsi]

Little poem about sm-liiga and ice disk

SM-Liiga has many players and coaches
Many teams are melting when the spring approaches
There are paintguards like Johnny Orgasm or Andy Beeeaaaach
But bringmaris are bad like Alex Beachla, who is really bitch.

We have Corpse Littlesum and Maybe Littleblowjob
And one coach who is doing a little blowjob.
That coach takes in cheek from Hjallis.
We like pillukarvat naisella, but do you drive your pallis?

Angry-Kale is happy at finlandes ice disk alliance
Halla group from South Garish want to buy team NiCe
Tomorrow HAAC will play at home
Clock is many, eye will end this poem

 

[Julma#71]

Little poem about sm-liiga and ice disk

SM-Liiga has many players and coaches
Many teams are melting when the spring approaches
There are paintguards like Johnny Orgasm or Andy Beeeaaaach
But bringmaris are bad like Alex Beachla, who is really bitch.

We have Corpse Littlesum and Maybe Littleblowjob
And one coach who is doing a little blowjob.
That coach takes in cheek from Hjallis.
We like pillukarvat naisella, but do you drive your pallis?

Angry-Kale is happy at finlandes ice disk alliance
Halla group from South Garish want to buy team NiCe
Tomorrow HAAC will play at home
Clock is many, eye will end this poem

This is not a poem, this is rapmusic. You should have taken it to separate chain, like "one's own lifes amateur rapper rhymeteers" in the recycling center. Sorry for moderating meself. Otherwise it is very good poem, reminds me of the rappers Jar &WilbynGal who sing "In small weddings" and "Coats handles".

 

[Julma#71]

Hello again all SM-liiga fans(including all black peoples around the world and Kuopio too). A great sadness has befallen SM-liiga this day. The last sympathetic team in dropping games Batman's Enemies has dropped against Rauma's Lock. Now there are only seuras from Lande(the biggest center of people in Finland, 4 of 5 million people live there). Both very sympathetic HAAC and Batman's Enemies dropped in halfbetweenperiods, and my favourite team, the very very sympathetic team and the only team from North Lande, Stoatses dropped in pity-droppinggames against Rauma's Lock too. This is very sad because Rauma's Lock is very rich team with very many moneys from cleaningsfirms and corepower. They won sympathetic Batman's enemies and Stoatses only because they have this portuguese footballer Weabonpull who towels the lattia with other suberstars like John-Pete Horker and Steve Moses(the guy who split the red sea in the movie "Moses").

The only thing that now keeps me happy is the fact the biggest forefavourite Saimaa's Ball dropped in pitydroppinggames also. Their big bought superstars like Jesse Little Monkey could do nothings in droppinggames against very much sympathetic HAAC! Take that, Lappee'sbeachians!

 

[Ostoskassi]

Hello you oll!! A lot has happened in Sm-liiga since the last post. One of the major change is that Sm-liiga is called the liig nowadays. Also the Batman's enemies will go to Українсько-кримськотатарський словник-league. There is a big possibility that some champtis team will play in the liig next season. Some people has said that some Eagle team from Vaasa has already take a place from the liig with kabinettipäätös, but Kal€rvo Weirdola has jyrähded that is not sure wich team will play in the liig next season. Some other teams from Champtis want to also to play the liig next season. For example KeyKey from Kouvola, Turu's buddys (Tubu), Mikkeli Jogurts and Riverboys.

Few players also made the olympics from the liig. Lasse Cock was a clear choise from team Finland, after all he is one of Stickstape Westerlund's luottoplayers. Ozzy Vaananen from Batman's enemies and also Johnmatt Wave was selected to the team as an attacker. Wave has been really good in mm-kisat with Pete Bear and there is a possibility that Wave and Bear will play together in Russia olso. Saku Birch shocked some people beacuse he won't play in the olympics cause he is not fitted enough, or that what he says.

Finland won junior maailmanmestaruus in Sweden a day before loppiday. Teuvo Sharper won the pistepörssi in the tournament. Saku Underthehill won maalipörssi, and even though Oskar Denmark was selected the best goalie in the tournament, i would say that Juicy Saros was deffinitely better. Finnish commentator Andy Hill said that the situation before the game winning goal was offside, so wrongly won from team Finland, again. Finnish coach Curry Stone has a midaksen kosketus cause last year he won the sm-league with Pori's Card's and now this.

Good newyear for everybody, itis going to be a good hoki year olso in twosirrowonefour.

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello, yellow, cello, other cello! I am riiming like the famulous Finnish rapper Posci!

But lets leave Posci to the closet, and focus on telling the foreigner peoples about the SM-league, which is nowadays only Liig like that weird letter-number combination above me explained.

Yes, no more is the Sado-Masochist community of Finland the head sponsor of the ice disc league. The S/M was therefore throwed from hiuksi to wittu from the name of league, and now it is just Liig, or 1üga in Wenäjän cieli.

I guess one reason why the name was changed was because next year Batmans Enemies will be no more in the Finland, they will be in Russia, and Hjallis - you remember him, he is the chinless or too many chins having sailor man who changes wifes like socks - wanted to make the transfer easier for Batmans Enemies players, and that why the Liig now has Wenäjän cielinen logo.

But who cares about Hjallis or logos or Batmans Enemies, thats right, nobody. What is most importantest news is that the lovable team from Lappees Bay, Saimaas Ball, has again showed where the hen is pissing for all the knowers in the message papers and television programmers. Everybody sayed before season that "Saimaas Ball is so bad, they will be last or almost last, who the fuck is Ville Float, who the fuck is Jesse Little Monkey, and Jussi Little Mark is so old he is almost certainly been dead for 50 years". But Pexxxi Little Tirkko, the bestest JariKurri there is, has again making wonders like that one long haired hobo who lived in some of the foreign countys 2000 years ago. Saimaas Ball is in the cärcijoucco of the trunk series table, and now peoples are saying that "Saimaas Ball is so bad, they should be last or almost last and when spring comes, they will melt like always, who the fuck is Ville Float, who the fuck is Jesse Little Monkey, and Jussi Little Mark is zombie".

The other talking topics of the Liig-season so far have been the braindead moran called Trevor Gillies, who HAAC hired to kill everybody in the Batmans Enemies team because Ville Little Field WC95Nevöforget was still angry that the Moroccoan terrorist and matt seller Semir Ben-Amor beat him some time ago. However, Trevor failed and only managed to hit Jarkko Diamond in the head one time, not like 20 times Semir hitted Ville and Muse stayed. Trevor was then fired.

The mallets have been as bad as last year as well, and everybody everywhere is citising about them. Saimaas Ball fans also citisee, because there seems to be a new rule in the Liig: for Saimaas Ball players, it is illegal and punishable by death if Saimaas Ball player skates near enemy paint keeper, but Saimaas Ball paintkeeper can be overdriven as much as wanted. Maybe that is because the mallets are afraid of the zombie-Jussi and they want someone to kill him for good.

Oulu Stoats have been overpowerful so far in the Liig, together with Saimaas Ball only Tampere Battleaxe or Carrot pants can be winning them, all the other teams just lose to them all time. Lasse Little Cock does not be like retard for some reason anymore, and he was selected to Sothsi olympic team because of that. Also Juha-Matti Little Wave was selected, and everybody in the world cried in pain and disbelief because of that, even though Juha-Matti is the bestest player in the whole world to skate with the disc behind the paint and backhair liehued. One player had to be selected from Batmans Enemies because Hjallis, and Ossi Little Väänä was selected because Kimi Little Räikkös old wife, Jenni called to Hjallis and sayed she does not want to go to car with Ossi anymore, because Ossi just grins with his mouth and makes Jenni say "Call me NHL player" and then car shakes and Jenni voihcies.

But thats it about Jenni and Posci and other people who love to make love to men, like Swedes for example, who lost and are now traumatized homos all of them. Thats it about the Liig and ice disc as well. I do not want to talk about it anymore. Get out from here!

 

[Everton]

Some other teams from Champtis want to also to play the liig next season. For example KeyKey from Kouvola, Turu's buddys (Tubu), Mikkeli Jogurts and Riverboys.

They will make this decision in cabinets!

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

This week we have the January's even-ing, in which the teams get to play backtoback games against the team of their own choice. Turku's Ball Company, also known Tebci, was so bad that they got to pick first. So they chose Castle's Aces, the reigning champions of League. Aces' coach Pekka Stream's seat has been hot because the team has been unachieving, and the guy who coached Aces last year, Carey Stone, won gold with Lil' Lions.

Second and third team, Sailand's Ball and Nääsville Battleaxe will face each other three times in a week, since nobody wanted to choose big, bad, Balls. First contest was in Saturday and Battleaxe one Ball 4-0. Key players were Christian Sprucela(2+2), Andy Ernest'shillbilly(1+1) and John Capercailliela (shutout). Other players from Battleaxe worth watcing in weekends double El Klassiko are Ollie Firela, John-Michael Lil' Lake, Raymond "Ken" Sawada, Pekka Sedgevo and Marcus Cloth'srear. Interesting players from SaiBa are Mike Bucka, who is former national team's star player, Willie Cork, Ryan Glenn and Patrick Davis.

The guy who was making the schedule really forgot to take his pills, because right now it looks like Battleaxe is only two points away from Stoats, but Stoats have played three less games. But if the Stoats lose two TBC and twice against Jokers, meanwhile Battleaxe wins Blues and SaiBa twice, then it's a hole diferent case.

And the Bobcats have been surprisingly winning games lately, but their big thank you should go to Michael Lil' Ball of String and goalie Willie Lil' Baslket.

 

[Luulajanpuisto]

Oh c**t, expensive plot brothers and sisters. You don't seem to know what kind of icedisc players Little Wave and Little Cock are. Oh now, Little Cock always seems to have wolfed his hide and go seek lenses when he is sitting on the change bench. And yes, Little Wave is very good in taking the disc behind the enemy's paint. But they are real flap jacks, believe me.
And those names, the enemies will think our team is a tribe of indians, they are gonna surrender before the disc is in the ice, shit in their pants. Olumppish gold will be ours.
Today in Liig, the Stoats kampf against the Turku Ball Company. If we lost this taking, I'm sure someone is going to open a chain called "Kicks to the Berryhill". I dont have same mind, In Larry Berryhill I Trust.
Now I'm going to take a leak on the liig logo. *asif funning*

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

Christian Sprucela continued his shiny grabs against Blues when Battleaxe won 6-1(nevoe foeget). Also Josh Green was mighty and made two goals and one assists. Unfortunately Stoats won so Battleaxe didnt get the first place.

 

[Ted Raikas]

Today in Hippovillage there was very stiff game. It was battle of two marvelous goalkeepers and this time Thomas Starch was little bit better than Juice Little Mark. 1 points goes to Flatbeach. 2 points stay in Hippovillage.

 

[retiisi]

Christian Sprucela continued his shiny grabs against Blues when Battleaxe won 6-1(nevoe foeget). Also Josh Green was mighty and made two goals and one assists. Unfortunately Stoats won so Battleaxe didnt get the first place.

Stouts is been so long in the sober spike position that I did not realize that Battleaxe is so close but Battleaxe has three takings more behind them. Today Breast was playing solid game and paint was untouchable behind him. He levelled the zero games with Capercaillie. Both has nine zeroes now.

In today's taking against Turku Ball Company, Stouts got three paints but the most exciting was the Ari Banks paint: so much joy in the ventilation! As a curiositeetti, Banks is a known Tepci killer from a decade ago when he did sink the people of Turku with a very famous sequal time paint. There was a lot of kalija and olovi consumption in the Lappland Reindeer town Oulu I have heard. No remembering. So that's why Banks was hitting the ice with a paddle after the paint today. Also Swoop Cola made a paint and did not feed like typically.

Next time there is Jesters of Brightlight City and they chose Stouts in the "Tammikuu Equalizer 2014" weeks end takings. It will be moosely thrilling to see and watch how goes games. Stouts will go to Oil Money Arena final time now unless it is against in Dropping Plays later after Shootshi's Olympique Games. I think it was very very sad to hear and see Jesters going to whittle Ruplas. They go to Red Army and another Red Army will go to Finnish Leag. Next term Wasa Sports will buy position of Lüga. Happy fresh leaks!

 

[Ikävänkantaja]

"Tammikuu Equalizer 2014"

No, that is called THE OAKMOON EVEN OUTS. That name was probably invented by 1üga's celery director manager John Vesecret who wants to sell the name of the 1üga as well as the name of THE OAKMOON EVEN OUTS in the name of making lots of money. However, not a single fuck has been given so far, but hey: as Pat Blacklake's famous band Night, I mean Popeda, says in it's famous cover song: there is still a day in tomorrow!

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

No, that is called THE OAKMOON EVEN OUTS.

No no no no no!
It used to be called that but in this oakmoon it's called the BETTINGROUND, because it's sponsored by Betting. 1üga has been taking influences from NHL with things being sponsored. Sadly the serie's name is 1üga because nobody wanted to sponsor it.

 

[retiisi]

No, that is called THE OAKMOON EVEN OUTS. That name was probably invented by 1üga's celery director manager John Vesecret who wants to sell the name of the 1üga as well as the name of THE OAKMOON EVEN OUTS in the name of making lots of money. However, not a single fuck has been given so far, but hey: as Pat Blacklake's famous band Night, I mean Popeda, says in it's famous cover song: there is still a day in tomorrow!

I am ashamed (with the Sun King voice) and abologizise my misspelling.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that Willie Nerve leads the Plus and Minus Stock Market and within the first ten ice disc players there are only team HAAC's Michael Rivers and Teemu "Timu" Wave from Battleaxe who plays not for Stouts. Wave used to belong to Stouts and he has hard cannon but in the own head he was a bit slack. Burning back to Nerve: Willie was one of the three Masters of the Universe who plays for Stouts. The other two were German Underthehill (who was borrowed by Riverboys of Champtis, they have now returned him back to Stouts) and Willie Little Widow. It is so funny coincidence that all the Willies from Stouts were on Junior games.

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello all you foreign maalaiset, especially those who are rich.

Are you having too much money? Is there enough slaves in your home to do homeworks? Do you know Kalervo Weirdola and go into sauna with him?

If you answered "Yes", "No", or "Who is Weirdola?" to all of these askings, do not be afraid, I can help you!

First, go take phone. If you do not have a phone, paint your face brown, steal Fubu-clothes, and come to Helsinkis Station Tunnel, and steal a phone from somebody there.

Then, call to Fishcock-village. Call anywhere there, it does not matter who answers the phone, just say to him "Take the phone to Little Kapa". If the person who answered the phone says "Mitteee? Vuopi olla että vien vuopi olla etten vie" hang up immediately, and call someone else in Fishcock-village. Once you reach somebody who does not talk like a retarded rooster who has fishes up his ass (this might take a while, but be potilas!) and the phone goes to Little Kapa, make sure that the Little Kapa in the phone is either Sami (He is the ex-NHL whose ex-wife divides her bun to ex-Kalevas Ball junior boys), Hannu (he is very old and very very annoying) or Neeger brother Kimmo (he is neeger). If the Little Kapa in the phone is Kasperi (young boy who looks like Samis ex-wife and ex-Kalevas Ball junior boy), hang up immediately and start again.

Once you have the correct Little Kapa in the phone, say "I have money, I want slaves, do you have them?" And Little Kapas will piss in their pants from joy, and start crying and babbling "Yes we have, buy them now, get five for price of one, and on the top of the shop you get our Swedish pussy who is under the tossu Adam, please take any of our players, take Little Lehko, take Little Voutila, take Little Shop, even the littlest little Kapa is for sale, take them, just take them, you get them for free, only for you my friend!"

Once the Little Kapa has stopped crying uncontrollably from relief, say your address, and hang up the phone. Wait for some days. Then when a big cardboard box arrives which has breathing holes and it smells like fishes and cocks, open the box and put your new Fishcock-slaves to work! If you find Pekka Bring Kola, you can make him hoover your house. If you have Jeff Fos, maybe you can use him as a hidastusbump in your road. The free on the top of shop Adam is good for putting under your tossu. If you have something you want to get rid of, give it to any of the Fishcocks, they are very good at losing!

If you have a paint or passport factory, then I am sorry, the slaves are useless, they can not make paint or passes. Maybe you could then make a bujottelu hill, and make the Fishcocks stand in the hill, they are very good at being bujottelu sticks!

Also, last word of warning: If there has been a mistake and there is also Neeger brother in the box, kill it with fire before it speaks stupid things.

Thats it. Do not waste time, get to the phone and call already! This offer will not last forever, Fishcocks will again be in concurssi very soon!

 

[Germanicus]

FASkid: Hilarious!!!