Jääkiekko in English

[FASlapsi]

Hello you fuckers.

I am depressed. Saimaas Ball has again taken its place as the Saimaas Ball of the SM league. Tampere Bobcat still also is the Saimaas Ball of the SM league, so now there are two teams that always loses.

So, gone are the days when Magazine papers and Sportleaf writed articles about good Saimaas Ball. Gone are the days when everybodies in the world sayed "Oh, how good those Saimaas Balls are, who would have knowed?" Gone are the days when some italian gay who played in Saimaas Ball was close to be selected Player of the Moonseason. Those days are gone, like days of our lives, hours through the sandglass, gone with the wind, sticked in the fucking ass of Juhani Little Oak.

I have been so depressed that I have not really readed about other teams, but someone told me that HAAC fans no longer watch the beton hall (or maybe it is a firemountain, I dont know, I am so depressed) and have sparkguards, because Soup was replaced by a Corpse or something. Ville Little Field MM95 nevöfoget is all the time in the readiness to again go sit in the television and stare silently because of this Corpse might start the violents again and maybe beat Ville himself this time because all the arab terrorists have been putted in jail and Muse is already staying. I dont know, and I dont care. I am so depressed.

Maybe I should go and burn some cloud like some Lions did.

 

[Stigu]

Maybe I should go and burn some cloud like some Lions did.

Maybe your kind of rastafari should start going to Lappeenrannan raves, where you can smoke and bet on whores. And the only ice you see and the only screaming you hear in the Raves is the strawberry I scream they sell there.

I am so glad that FASlapsi's team is finally on the correct position in seriespainting. HAAC's new fuhrer Corpse 1+1 (a.k.a Littlesum) will lead AGAIN our team to VictorY. The only two Victors that can be see in Bay of Lappee are 1) Victor Klimenko, singing at the finest restaurant of Bay of Lappee (resturant ABC, flags 50 € per kpl) and 2) transport company Victor Ek emptying the apartementos of the over-paid foreygn players of BoL hockeyteam, so that they can go back home and start living a life.

The spring is coming soon, and I am sure that again this year around paintmoon time, there is a small boy at the harbour of BoL, crying and eating hydrogens and atoms. And wishing his team was like HAAC. I am so glad I am not that boy.

 

[Uleåborgir]

Hey, what moonbone and its Pearlmoon now! The moon of hope.

You know guise, Gotearths Ball is from Beach of Flat because lape is flat in England's tongue. Gotearths Ball's bubble has now bursted, sad for them good for us!

Oulu's Stoatses played pair of weeks ago against Oulu's biggest newspaper's Ball. There is a paradox. Why is our enemies name Oulu's biggest newspaper's Ball? Comes it from our dictators president Braveman Oulu's biggest newspaper Little Gekko's name?

Praise the name of Braveman Oulu's biggest newspaper Little Gekko!

 

[Anonymous]

Kaleva's Ball had a good game against HPK. But I was still very surprised, what is that hazard what is destroying Kaleva's Ball's game sometimes... When Sami Kapanen was in the injury list, KalPa was playing good. But now when Sami came back to roster, KalPa's downhill started to begin.

Sami Kapanen has done very good job at Kuopio, but is his time going up? I mean Sami is nowadays old, and angry guy. Can he help Kaleva's ball more than a young guys. IMO Sami should end his career in this year, and give a space to young hungry guys.

But Sm-league is very flat, and all kinds of things can be done.

 

[verikuut]

Too reporting ladies shit in trousers bus bench smelling and feeling wet buy hands. They have white hats and writing to others white hats to read this shit bus travelling. Liiga is on a brake and ice surfing europe makes scary injuring best players again, no moving this spring any more. "With these to go" and only nine between twelve or something plays to play before summertime first groups.

 

[Wiljami]

Too reporting ladies shit in trousers bus bench smelling and feeling wet buy hands. They have white hats and writing to others white hats to read this shit bus travelling. Liiga is on a brake and ice surfing europe makes scary injuring best players again, no moving this spring any more. "With these to go" and only nine between twelve or something plays to play before summertime first groups.

Butt they ist to going Turku and is good reason to shit pant, so to not smell Turku and is ok.

Maybi is in Turus Ball Company bus?

 

[ernestipotsi]

Too reporting ladies shit in trousers bus bench smelling and feeling wet buy hands. They have white hats and writing to others white hats to read this shit bus travelling.

Actually, that two girls one bus -story is even funnier in english. In rally-english I mean. Google transvestitelator:

Google-kääntäjä

There's not one kakkahätä, but something about this now, should wring out of me. Amassing both magazines etutarjottimelle.

At the same time one of us strain to pökälettä farkkulegginseihin

Ten minutes later:
VK: HELL NO, SO makin! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAH! Ahahahaah does not smell, lämpöstä! On the next tsiigaa boy, when I laugh so much.
AR: How could you succeed?
VK: No, but kakkasin.

 

[Apmp-]

Happy Paintsmoon everyone's body! Much have happened in Suomi Finland Perkele's ice disc league this week so I am gonna going to tell you foreign fuckers everythings about it. Yesterday happened a total pharssi here in Finland. Batman's enemies player was gameprohibited because he tackled cleanly 95-nevöföget player Ville Little Field from HAAC. I'm starting a boicot because I don't want to give any my money to this shit serie. The tackle was nothing wrong. Nordlund drived Little Field to boards but because DDR Ice building's plexis are beton he hit his head to them and now he haves brain crash.

Also same game HAAC's couch Raimo Little Sum was gameprohibited 5 games because he said ugly things to Batman's Enemies couch. Im butting the words to spoilers so if you are under 18 years old you should not read it. Some flower-hat-aunt might do children's protecting notification.

Spoileri

Lämsä, Godhelp you get spades hey! Fucking clown hey! Lämsä you are man-whore gettana! Take Hjallis to Cheek fuck! Fuck what a jack hey!

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello all you homos in the world, and heteros too! Lesbians, I do not hello you, go back to drive a recca.

Yesterday, all my trables seemed so far away, because Saimaas Ball winned the bagchins of Bay (they are like Hjallis, but without money and sailing over the world) and now it is almost certain that Saimaas Ball will not be going for summer holidays after the wanker series. Instead they will go and play some meaningless Pity-playoffs, and if they dont want to start holiday after those games, also in something other practice games called Playoffs. I don't know what these games are, I have never seen Saimaas Ball playing in them except that one year when Batmans Enemies lost because of horses.

Of course, there is still theatrical changes for the GameCans of Bay or ES-cacca Blues teams to go over Saimaas Ball, but even though the changes are very theanderthalican, we have seen in past years that Saimaas Ball can make any thelofilican changes to come to reality, so nothing is still not announced in the church. You must not lick until it drops, he who reaches for six capsahdaes in a home-house with Janne Kataja and other Finnish sayings.

In other news, the ice disc as a game has been going towards some insane ballerinashow in Finland. Nowadays ice disc players get jail time even when they dont do anything, and some players dont get jail time even if they start to shoot the other team players and blow-up the whole stadion if nobody in the magazines will write about it. Some ice-disc JariKurris get jail time if they say "Hey, clown, go take in mouths from Hjallis", but this only happens if the JariKurri has previously been raping Janne Niiniland and not washing the enormous back of Kale Weirdola in sauna.

Moderators of SM-league are very much in cassalla, and there has been all kind of mindpointings being planned over the country. It almost feels that the moderators of Continue-Time were upgraded to Moderators of SM-league back in the days when half of the Continue-Time got jail time because somebody showed something to someones that nobody should not have seen or known. After this, the moderating of Continue-Time has been much better, and the SM-league moderating has been ridiculous.

Some TrueFans still blame that everything is wrong because the terrorist attack before the season, where Tunisian suicidebomber Semir Ben-Amor raped Wille Little Field WC95nevöforget in the corner and then Wille was sitting inside televisions very silently. Somehow because of this some players can now hit their friends in the neck with stick and get no penalty, and some get jail time because they skate pass a Saimaas Ball player and something may or may not hit the chin of the Saimaas Ball player. I dont really understand how all this is supposed to work, but I am prettu sure welding has something to do with it.

So thats it for now, all you homos, go under the reccas what those lesbians are driving, and all you heteros, do what ever normal heteros do. I have no idea what that is, so dont ask me!

 

[FASlapsi]

Hello everypeople!

Please take somebody in the caula, do some huojuing and sing a long with me: "We are heroes everybody, when you look with right eyes (not with Timo T.A:'s), we are heroes of life, very everybody!"

Today the SM-league season has ended. Saimaas Ball lost to HAAC in pity playoffs, and now it is summer holiday for everybody! OK, some teams still play some meaningless practice games, but nobody cares.

Strange matters happened during the pity playoffs: normally there are only me and some other mentally challenged people who fan the Saimaas Ball, but after the wanker series, could you believed what started to happen. There was suddendly this very big wagon, where everybodies from other teams cum and started playing instuments! Some played violin, some haidar, one had a triangel and also tuba playing man was seed. It was like a very very big band in that wagon! There were peoples from the Tampere Bobcat team, who stil had their Little Koisti shirts on. There were people from the Turku Ball Club, they were eating honeyjata and being assholes like peoples of Turku normally are. There were peoples from Espoo with their plastic gladiator helmets and foamplastic swords. God damned, even the unemployed retards from Lahti were seeing climbing into the wagon and starting to blow the huilu! And if that is not crazy yet, some HAAC fans were eagerly holding bass gidaras and quiros, waiting for the HAAC to lose so that they could also cum to the wagon! What was that, I dont know, now the wagon is empty and those weirdos are playing their instuments in some other places.

It was a good season for Saimaas Ball. Whole world was again making loves to Saimaas Ball, Barack Obama was wearing yellow Saimaas Ball shirt everywhere, child molester president of Finland was forcing his child wife to sing "SaiPa SaiPa, this is SaiPa, one of the wonders of the east" when he was molesting her. Even the catholic child molesters gave kenkä to the old nazi Pope who was not fanning SaiPa, and new Pope was selected who is from Hackal (in the media it is sayed he is from Argentina, but when have those motherfuckers knowed anything?). Next season the Vatican Valdio will be named Wallu Valpio, and then instead of molesting children, the pappis will come into standing wathcomo of RacePark and messued from there the new hymn "Who wins? Our sons!" until the sky opens and Jesus Christus from Nasaret comed down, and starts to round the powerplay ad score many paints for Saimaas Ball.

So, until all that happens, happy summer holidays, and please sing one more time with me:

"We are the heroes everybody, when it is watched with right eyes (not Stevie Wonder's), we are heroes of live is life, very much we all!"

 

[Wiljami]

...
There was suddendly this very big wagon, where everybodies from other teams cum and started playing instuments! Some played violin, some haidar, one had a triangel and also tuba playing man was seed. It was like a very very big band in that wagon!...

I think heard from this band in s/m-liigue. Ispesialli the lots of tuuba. I hearded all s/m liigua this season full of tuuba and also this message tuuba.

You can has a good summer camping. Warning: sun is very bright and harm the eyes of cavemans and wildmans when koming from Racepark after winter (eksept Timo TA's).

 

[ernestipotsi]

It was good series for Saimaas Ball. For example their ykköskenttä Jesse Littlemonkey, Brad Swedishknife's and Italiano-Gillette. I think that SaiPa lost because of bad karma. I don't mean Noora Karma vaan sitä että Saipas sbonsor offered coastballs in Racepark after SaiPas first victory.

HAAC's ykköskenttä-player Joel Perrault is almost perfect player. Exept that he can't skate, shoot or play eyes hockey. But he must be a nice guy. Or gay. Actually HAAC's goalie Johnny Orgasm really stopped Saimaas Ball. Next series is against Kahvara and that series will begin at middleweek

 

[JHag]

These pity playoffs are not nice. It's the same problem as with relationships: if you only get pity sex, you forget how it actually should go. The only right way to have real and fantastic sex is to pay for it and use only highly skilled professionals. The same with hockey. If you really want to avoid pity playoffs, you have to put your money in the table and pay yourself sick for good professional players. Then you get the real feeling and real playoffs - just like you get real love and fantastic sex. Pay for it and use professionals! You shouldn't use players like Perrault. It's like having sex with your wife. She gives it for pity - and still you have to pay in the long run very very much. So why not put your money where your mouth is? By doing so, oral sex is also possible. That's how the saying 'money where your mouth is' was invented.

 

[palle fontän]

So the wanker is end. Didn't even notice the pity drop games, and BOOM. HAAC and Rauma Lock Ball made it to the drop games, no home benefit though.

Interesting to see how Rage Little Sum acts in the post game press opportunities. Some say he shouldn't go to kitchen at all!

 

[Warre]

Happy Minna Cunt’s day!

Tampere Lynx and Mikkeli Jogurts will start playing SM league delimbing series this Friday. Jogurts won The Mehukannu this season and now they earned The License to kill Lynx. Maybe all liiga fans are saying that Lynx will eat Joghurts for breakfast, but some of us will believe long series to cum!

Lynx has more experience apout this kind of games, but Jogurts main coach The Littley one is not at first time Pappia on the ride. Even with one hand in package he can shou the way to the victory!

Butt let’s start waiting, and hopeying that we will see some excent games inside this delimbing series!

 

[Andji]

I am happy. Rauma's Lock went to continue playoffs from pity playoffs even Richard "RD" Dreyfus tried all to not to. He also scored great goal after three games in Raxville, Oulu. It was a shoreball he kicked in goal. It was not calculated in end goals which were 2-3 to Lock. Oulu's Weasels were not good to put discus in goal in continuetime.

Next game is day after this day. It is against Helsinki Batman's Nemesis' in Airville, Helsinki. Batman's Nemesis' have lot good players. They have best outlander according to Continuetime.com reporters, Steve Redseadiverterguyfromthebible. Lock has only second good outlander Justin Weabonpull. He has doned good goals in against Weasels and in wanker too.

If I have guess Lock will win at least one game but Batman's Nemesis' is stronger opponent and champion favourite number one. Batman's Nemesis' has one raumaborn guy, Marcus Northgrove, who is famous for beating the living shit out of hockey legends. Some say Northgrove is legend killer. William Littlefield got tackle from Northgrove in wanker. It gt so much media publicity that Jack-Peter Littlemountain had to give match penalty even though discipline holder Bank Liuslake didn't give penalty.

What can resolve this pair is paint guardians. Eric Shieldings has rejected good in wanker but Peter Littleveha was good against Weasels. He even rejected penalty shot! And also is WC2011 legend. Paint guardians are very good in both teams. But spare paint guardians not so good. New York Islanders' player's little brother Simon Denmark is not good as he was last year and Frans Barkland is kinda shitty also. Lets hope they get to play zero games.

I hope we can see lots of good games in this pair. Lock has been shit in home but in other peoples houses it has been good sometimes. I'm glad Lock has the other people house advantage in this pair.

 

[JHag]

Happy Minna Cunt’s day!

I dropped and coffee spread all over keyboard!! :D

 

[palle fontän]

I dropped and coffee spread all over keyboard!! :D

You spread? Like Minna hopefully not.

 

[M10]

R.Kelly spread her wings and fly away

 

[Frankie]

Interesting to see how Rage Little Sum acts in the post game press opportunities. Some say he shouldn't go to kitchen at all!

Yes, especially when the opponents coach is the famous arsonist, Yucca Ironwilderness. We shall see whose house is burned down and who is sucking Hjallis balls.

 

[Wiljami]

Yes, especially when the opponents coach is the famous arsonist, Yucca Ironwilderness. We shall see whose house is burned down and who is sucking Hjallis balls.

I think is the Little sum again asking for manly personal time "man hour" to other readier. What is the Hjallis-ballis? I thought play was ice-discus and not balls.

 

[Evil]

This evening we go again, when the dropping games continue. It is time for the half difference periods!

My favourite team, Hellsing Sport Society Camrades dropped the Ball of Sailand in the pity dropping games round, and will meet the Hatchet of Mansester. The Lock of Rauma dropped Oulu Weasels and play against Hellsing's Fools. The other pairs are Castle of Häme's Ball versus Grains Village Ball and Kaleva Ball will play with Aces of Pori.

Special situations are again playing an important role. Let's inspect some of the head doers, that may solve what teams continue to difference periods:

- Chills. When a team gets a chill, they must play good underforce game. Also when you play overforce, you need to make a paint to beat the game.
- Beginnings. Good beginning takers are in their value in dropping games.
- Paint guards. You need to have one or two hot paint guards to win the Sadist-Masochist league mastership.
- Coaches. Will Carcass lead the Hellsing Sport Society Camrades to victory with his angriness, or is the manw***e of the chinless man able to throw solid pieces of wood into other teams' cogwheels? What will the swimming cap of Lock do? How about A-P Back-to-back in the Castle of Häme? It is seen.

 

[Jaws]

I haven't read the threat as much as I should have, but is that right you have all forkodden the league's dropping battle? Seems like there are two teams playing against each other: Tampere Lynx and Mikkeli Jogurts. Oh, now I noticed someone else has also written about this threat.

I don't no if there's been enough diskussion about this one. May bee you should talk about that one two.

What do you gays think about opening the league? Ice disc would be a lot more interesting game in Finlandia if the teams would change. I would like to see sixty minutes pain and four passes preik eni diiffens someday in the highest level. Otherwise stay out of the kitsen if you have different opinions.

Someday, gays, someday the league would be öppnat again. And as Petri Matikainen says, ravistettava - omaskakas.

That's all for this day, folks!

 

[Wiljami]

I haven't read the threat as much as I should have, but is that right you have all forkodden the league's dropping battle? Seems like there are two teams playing against each other: Tampere Lynx and Mikkeli Jogurts. Oh, now I noticed someone else has also written about this threat.
...

Me is in the Jugurts fan-society man very exited. Lynx is really good in shape-weighingdevice after they shoud the door to Little pearl and made Bringcoke the head readier. There is so very challence to Mikkeli Jugurt, but if they go to end it will feel to me like winning the olympic discus. Then we can say in Mikkeli "we spell at the marketplace" and sing "we are heros all when look in aye" and hug unknowned peoples and have vappu and midsummer festivals untill the start of next S/M liigue.

 

[Evil]

Do you know what is the divorce between Tauski, the sadly-famous Finnish schlager singer, and the Bobcat of Mansester?

Tauski beats his womans but Bobcat does not beat anybodies. Or maybe the Stubborns of St. Mickel. But nobody else.