Jääkiekko in English

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Waqu

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
JYP ja Dallas Stars

Barnes

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Tasuno Tasalakki
Kaleva Ball has fighted with injuries. Team's firstcenter, Jack Rizzoli, may not play anymore in this season what is terrible new. Also there is lots of other injured gamers but Rizzoli is the most valuable für KalBa.

Biggest new come of the week from Nääsville where Bobcat kicked it's koutsi Thomas Tuokkola out and replaced him with Gary Heikkilae who has last koutsed in Latvija on Dynamo Riga with Raymond Pearl. Kickings were second für Pearl in this season since he was also kicked out from Barysh Astana that plays in Boratstan.

And because Finland winned the U20-championship(although it was winned last week) , LET'S GRILL!
 

FASlapsi

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
SaiPa
Hello LaMos and other foreign scum peoples!

(LaMo means Land Movers, it is herjaing name for all foreign country peoples who cum to Finland and do not eat riisi and raisgaa ours womanses)

Today ends Liig season, only one game is played by all normal teams, Tampere Carrot Pants has already finished because they always come too soon when they are with womanses or manses. But lets forget about the too soon comming Raipe's, now is time to tell you about this season of Finlands ice disc.

All the imbortant places in trunk series table are already givened. Miragle has happend: Helsinki's Homos With No Physic Fit (HHWNPF) has wonned trunk series first time since Juhani Little Oak was born, this happened somtime around year 0, and then some Land Movers writtened story about Juhanis youngster years, this book is very bobular today, it is called The Raamatt'. Oulu'ians Little Weasel Animals Kind Of cammed second, and too soon cumming Carrot Pants cummed third, even though they cummed first, this is baradox that cannot be explained by sciense. Jyväskylä Tractor Farmers are four, best team in the world, the Saimaa's Balls com'd five and then all the other teams commed after them, I dont care about those because they came after SaiBa.

Today is still played a game against HHWNPF and Saimaa's Balls, and in this game is very high bullets, at least for one person. That person is Helsinki City Boys Tomas Zaborsky. He is from Cjzesch cantri, and he is very very poor. He has gontract fax paper with Helzinki Village Peoples, that says "If you do more paints than anyone, you get 1 euro. If not, you get nothing, get out from here when still can." Now poor Tomas has made 26 paints, and his worst bainajain', Saimaas Balls Chad Rau, who used to play in East-Power ice disc liig, and has not getted any penaltis since Juhani Little Oak was born, has made 28 paints. Tomas has spent last five days and nights watching video tapes from Helsinki Comrade Hint's plays, and pushing Rewind button from he's old video cassett player, and then Play miljon times to see if he has been close to disc in some Helsinki paints and he can get the paint for himself. This worked, Tomas got one free paint when he writtened a letter to Liig:

"Hi, this is Tomas Zaborsky. I want one paint more!!!! Watch video tape from the game four and half moonseasons ago; in time 38:17 I skate next to Teemu Ramste or whatever his fucking name is, and when he makes the disc fly in to the paint net, WATCH CLOSELY!!!! MY STICK MIGHT TOUCH THE DISC!!! SO IT MY PAINT, NOT THAT SHIT TROUSER FUCK FACE TEEMU HOMO!!!!! GIVE ME PAINT!!! GIVE ME PAINT FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!"

Then Liig gived Tomas 1 paint for free, and sayed Teemu Stamrsred "Sorry, no paint for you, you griminal, go to childrens hospital and take selfies you motherfusker!"

So now, Tomas has 27 paints, Chad has 28 paints, and if Tomas does not make more paints in todays game than Chad, he must again go watch his video tapes and write letters, or else he will not survive the summer, but instead will die a hunger death. So let's hope that Tomas makes paints todei, and then he can life his live again like normal poor and selfish Czesch homo.

Also some words must be sayed from the Mestis teams: The Cabinett team of Vaasas Urheil made another Miragle happen, they gotted the last place in pity playoffs, even when they have Tomek Little Manne as their JariKurri. And KKK also is not last team, they also almost gotted in to pity playoffs, but then S-letters and Urheil stopped that from happening, but still, good season for these two shitty Mestis teams.

In Esboo, the Blues has made very intredasting year. They have selled every player that can be selled, and only play with those players that are too bad to be selled anywhere. After season, they will use all the money they got from selling all players, by loosing them in Peter Aholas pockets, and then make concurss. Peter Ahola is also very very poor like Tomas Zaborsky, he must take all money everywhere and cheat his friends in house buildings and all that kind of tomaszaborsky things he must do to survive. So lets also hope that Peter can steal lot more money from Blues, so he can also survive and then next year Peter and Tomas can still life.

That's it, I dont want to write anymore, go back raisgaing and stealing you stupid LaMos, and if you see Peter Ahola or Tomas Zaborsky, take them with you, so they get new hobbys.

Best Regardses,

Everybody from Finlandish
 

Hande75

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
LiverpoolFC, Jokerit, suomalaiset NHL:ssä ja Lauri
Hi again League successors in english tongue. Half sets are played and here is scores

Helsinki Athletics Club Buddies defeated Cornsvillage's Ball
Battleaxe def. Weasels

Finals start from Helsinki.
 

Barnes

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Tasuno Tasalakki
Today starts The Skoda Cup. Finland has namely team because it has Mickey Birch, Michael Grannylund, Justin River, Leonard Knockout and Alexander Bar. The place of Andy "Pussy" Pihlstroem was highly critized but he can get lots of punishments to rival teams.

Finlands first opposite is White Russia. White Russia has many Putin Hockey League players in their roster which some are ex-canadiens.

Lets grill!
 

NDT665

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
TPS
Whole I think from your “Jääkiekko in English” –nexus, is that is too elementary done.
We, here in one of Head Places of Frozendiscus, think that: to a concise shiftperiod.
You butters use your chord. Owning 4 M say-so’s butter conclude existence flavourless, stop your perspiration. Strengthing yours soul, you learning incapable vagina!
Do not inquietude: from the end, sun will roast to the ant’s estate!
Be frozen…
 

sekolust

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Україна, Lostedt, Ben-Amor
Now we saw NHL draft first round. Good year for Suomi-Finland, lets analise players so others can know too how good we are.

#3 Mairou Heyskanen = Good dman from Helsinki Sport Comrades Club. Good debut year in Lüga, dominated U18 like Iso-Arska. First first round draft from the red team of Helsinki, hope he does not get fat in Texas. He's athletic.
#16 Jusso Gaphill = Another good dman. Went from Tampere Lynx to WHL and scored over point in game last season. Junior lion player like evry year. Good boy.
#18 Brave Scalewoman = And again good dman. Just 18 and starts in his 3rd Lüga team after Blues konkurs and Tero Leafnib went to Saimaa Ball.
#24 Christian Kiddish = First forward. Seasons in Sweden Hockey League were not good. Coach did not like him and now he rejoins Tavastia Castle Ball Club again. Potential scorer, but no Patrick Wave.
#29 Henry Riveresker = Son of Jon Riveresker and again dman. Very offensive dman but no Eric son of Karl. Must improve defense.
#30 Eel Nincompoop = Good offensive forward, bad student. Represented junior lions but not Finland in PISA tests. We are good students and learners so we must be able to go to Boston College. He can't.

Six (sex på svenska) Finland junior ice disc players drafted on the first round. This is new record. So good. Wow.
 

Wiljami

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Jukurit, sympatiaa muuhun Savoon ja Kaakonkulmalle
Very silent in this English tongue chain. I want to ask "What do you think the next happen now" in Finnish ice puck? @FASlapsi and moo's.
Stubborns is shit, some other focker or dicksoccer win and not so shit. Lars little-cock has own rule and make many sideways club to neck in liig and olymppis.
 

finnjewel

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Porin Ässät, KooKoo, KPL, Kiovan Dynamo
All serious hockey fans are upset and selannced, because the best players stay out of the Pjongjang Olympics. Which means that gold medals are donated to some kontinental hockey league mickey-mouses (or put-ins).
 

pernaveikko

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
HIFK, Crusaders, Lechia
I own a friend who go to Southern Korea. Not hockey interesting, only skiing and maybe some hill jumps.

Not sure if Mouse Mickey is there. Will ask and report.
 

FASlapsi

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
SaiPa

finnjewel

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Porin Ässät, KooKoo, KPL, Kiovan Dynamo
Should we be proud or scared of researchers examining our conversation acreage? Interesting to see, which chain is going to be the target of next scientific interest. ÄTPPOMK Online 24h – raportoi tänne tönimisistä! might contain a lot of material for ambitious gradu-writers.
 

ernestipotsi

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
HIFK
Icedisk season in Finnish Liiga has strated again. Yesterday HAAC won the game against Ball club from The castle of the slow people. I think that his team is ready to destroy naccikattila again.

Lynx from Leninville has totally Kojo points so far and that is very big disappointment to their head coach Curry Stone who keeps is mouth open like an idiot while coaching.

Cousinfuckers and Battleaxe have won all their games. Other surprisingly good jouccue is Mikkeli Yogurts. I don't know any players from that team but maybe i will in January when they will have emptyingsales again


What do you think about this season?
 

Evil

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Devils, HIFK, Arsenal, Athletic Club de Bilbao
I think most disappointed is the Lynx Bobcats. I read magazines before season and all bodies say that Lynx is ready to be good and win games but they win no games sou far. Also Hatchet from same city is been very good and score many nets, it is surprising me. And the Hatchet man Kuusela who is older than my grandfather is top scorer so what hell is häppenink?
 

Evil

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Devils, HIFK, Arsenal, Athletic Club de Bilbao
Äpsoluutli must be alsou said that I saw mister hokkeylion number 79, the wan and ounli Sir Tami in televisön the other day. He is a fat son of a gun and he was in a program where fat fuckers try not to be so fat fuckers anymore. There was Suomen Simon LeBon, Niemisen Pertti, and also an ex miss Finland Riitta Väisänen, who is also nyt a fat fuckress. Let’s see if mister hockeylion number 79 can loose weight and what he says in television. I bet 95 per cent effort is 50 per cent result now too.
 

Wiljami

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Jukurit, sympatiaa muuhun Savoon ja Kaakonkulmalle
...
Other surprisingly good jouccue is Mikkeli Yogurts. I don't know any players from that team but maybe i will in January when they will have emptyingsales again


What do you think about this season?
There is many HAAC dropout in Yoghurt liig taipal like is was Theem Highmountain and Hank "Hänk" Smallreallysmall and now is Mike Smallbeard. Some have like Highmountain and Smallbeard found in st.Michael Yoghurt sport closet the sungoggles because was too bright light in "Nordis" (dont know in english) but some has founded only beergoggles like Hank "Hänk" and goed to beerboys in Joes mouth. Also is stolen baby from HAAC who is name Axel but not Smith but Rindell (also not know in english, maybe cow something. Lookitup and keep yo head up say liig kurinpito!) and maked already paint in against cousinfucker paint watcher.

HAAC maybe want buy some good ex HAAC boys? Very special price only for HAAC, my friend.
 

finnjewel

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Porin Ässät, KooKoo, KPL, Kiovan Dynamo
The whole Finnish "Änäri-community" is happy and relieved, now that the amount of contract millions offered to RFA-couple Patrick Wave/Mickey Littlebeach finally came to light. The latter one got almost 3 millions more aav which is nice. If Mickey is a good guy, he can some spectacular Fortnite items for Wave if "Pate" happens to get short of money.
 
Suosikkijoukkue
Lahen Pelsu, Dallas Stars, Leksand, Orlando Magic
I have been pleasantly surprised by the season of Lahden Pussinokat so far! Although most of the losses have come versus paskajengit and our home sweet home has been a place for the enemy to party hard, well still I have to say that I enjoy us beating Stadin Jullit every damn time! It feels so good to mäiskiä miljoonaseuraa persiille and knowing they steal our best players like every year lmao!

I am also very surprised by Visulahti sponsored Mikkelin ylpeys, who have been absolutely spectacular considering everybody thought they were going to be the jumbo of league but look at them now, playing at such a high level and almost beating Näädät of Oulu as well. Wow! I have to say that Visulahti boys have really surprised me the most. No doubt about that!

Also, last season's häpeäpilkku Ässät from Pori have been surprisingly sharp to start the season. Yea, some of their losses have been by a large margin but they've managed to grab pretty many points despite that and are currently above sääliviiva so I've got to say I'm really happy for the city of Pori Jazz. This could honestly turn out to be a perfect redemption season for them. I hope they stay on the right track.

Well about HIFK... It's quite sad how miljoonaseura like them keeps sucking dick year after year after year. I mean think about it, they put so much kahiseva into building their roster but yet, they underperform so bad every year so idk... Maybe they should re-think about their johtoporras once more. I think that's the ongelman ydin after all. I hope that a suurseura like HIFK can näyttää kyntensä soon again but I just don't see it happening this season, unfortunately.

And about NHL. Well, my favorite team Dallasbuns Stars has basically played well their first few games but we still are in the nollakerho despite our best efforts to beat the teams we've faced thus far. This really makes me sad, because the first two games our opponent scored on their first shot of the game and the St.Louis Blegi even helped us tie the game with omari and we still couldn't beat them omg!

Also, our last game against Detroit Chicken Wings started out amazing. It was 2-0 for us after 20 minutes of play but we choked big time and let them score the winning goal about a minute left in the clock. So yes, this is just heartbreaking and I hope from the bottom of my heart that we can turn this thing around.

I also have a big man crush on Roope Hintz! That guy is simply amazing and he just keeps getting better and better. I hope the rest of the team will follow his lead. Luckily the season is still young and we still have plenty of time to make things go our way. Gotta hope for the best but our next games won't be easy either. That is for sure...

Well, that concludes my kiekkoanalyysi guys! Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for your time!
 
Viimeksi muokattu:
Suosikkijoukkue
Lahen Pelsu, Dallas Stars, Leksand, Orlando Magic
Also, one thing I forgot to mention in my analyysi, I've heard that Elvis is alive but I think he just dieded after letting in seven goals in his änäri debut so R.I.P. Elvis :/
 

npc

Jäsen
I like the icepuck.

First I read this chain and then saw this kolumn: Overview to the Finnish league: Tappara's dominance has been record-breaking − tough discipline for dangerous hits

I could not stop läughing reading this parodi-article.

Br. Always forever with Sphere of Lake Received-Country!!!

P.S. Where are those girls who scripted to this foorum some years ago? I'm like remembering they were from Sknife country from the Alps. Who married them? Golden Awe was very intrestid in them if I remember right...
 

ernestipotsi

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
HIFK
I like the icepuck.

First I read this chain and then saw this kolumn: Overview to the Finnish league: Tappara's dominance has been record-breaking − tough discipline for dangerous hits

I could not stop läughing reading this parodi-article.

Br. Always forever with Sphere of Lake Received-Country!!!

P.S. Where are those girls who scripted to this foorum some years ago? I'm like remembering they were from Sknife country from the Alps. Who married them? Golden Awe was very intrestid in them if I remember right...

Räty Brothers sounds like a name of a gay band.

On Saturday homos from Helsinki will play against umpihomos from Second half of Jokke. In that match there will be also City orchestra from Vantaa. The city of love, creativity, Korso and anal sex. We have many trains, Lidls, Motonet and Airport. The most important monument of Vantaa is Hotel Vantaa. Also known as Puma cage, Swedensboatsimulator or Boulevard of broken condoms.
 

FASlapsi

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
SaiPa
What the puck is happened here? Talk England, not this wierd mambojambo! "Uuuu, I can speak grammar, uuu, look how I use sayings, uuuuu I England master" stop it god damn nobody wants to read this! Speak like Finlandish rally drivers or Jesse Puljulake instead!

Nobody cares about Ice Disc Liig of Finland this year, reason for this is Saimaa's Ball, their oak has died, everything goes bad, there is two kindergarten boy as paint guardians, some good foreign attackmen, other shits, defenders are all shit, Tero Leafer is just talk, no action, he like Mixu Paatelainen juunou, oak and christmas six, talk in media how players bad, me good. Now we just wait when Leafer gets shoe. Then Saimaa's Ball will win mesdaruus again.

In NHL is good situation, many very bestest Finland boys there, Mikko Little Beach, Sebastian Field and Patrik Wave make'd sobimus and now they biljonäärs. Patrik Wave has throwed PlayStation to the wall and now he makes feeds instead of paints. Very nise to open text television page 235 every morning, many green Finlandish names there! No Puljulake thogh, he got penalti becos can not speak England and is bad disc player, he got no biljons, instead was transported to hell, I mean Oulu.
 

Jesus Shaves

Jäsen
Suosikkijoukkue
Dorados de Sinaloa
Upcoming night, the Aces Pori will battle against Battleaxe Tampere. They still haven't lost a single match this season, but perhaps Aces will put an end to this long winning streak. It's gonna be a tough game, ya know, unless Aces lose their touch of the game and let 4-5 goals in at the first period. The game would probably be already handled at that point, sad but true. We'll see which object is sharper this time: the strong axe or the stabbing ace of spades.

Even though I'm not a fan of Battle Axe of blacksausage town, Asses (obv. plural) Pori have practically little to no chance against those Axe deodorant men who come and breeze easily over those other Asses on the ice.
 
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