Jääkiekko in English

[Snacilep]

The Gamecans of Bay have started their season quite well if we look at the game results. Special thanks for Tommy Bear, Thirstys Hari and Johnmatt Wave who have been the awesome this season. But if we look beyond the results the playing hasn't looked very good. Willy Capey hasn't been able to drive in the game way and the players don't know how to play. But I think it's gonna get better as the season goes on.

Today they meet the Seedvillages Ball who just got Peter Palmtree and Justin Pine from North America. Palmtree started pretty well by scoring two paints and two feeds in his first game. Pine plays his first game today and maybe he gets to play with his bro Anthony.

Hopefully the Gamecans continue their good away games and three points go to Bay.

 

[Breeze Harbour]

What the puck is happened here? Talk England, not this wierd mambojambo! "Uuuu, I can speak grammar, uuu, look how I use sayings, uuuuu I England master" stop it god damn nobody wants to read this! Speak like Finlandish rally drivers or Jesse Puljulake instead!

Nobody cares about Ice Disc Liig of Finland this year, reason for this is Saimaa's Ball, their oak has died, everything goes bad, there is two kindergarten boy as paint guardians, some good foreign attackmen, other shits, defenders are all shit, Tero Leafer is just talk, no action, he like Mixu Paatelainen juunou, oak and christmas six, talk in media how players bad, me good. Now we just wait when Leafer gets shoe. Then Saimaa's Ball will win mesdaruus again.

In NHL is good situation, many very bestest Finland boys there, Mikko Little Beach, Sebastian Field and Patrik Wave make'd sobimus and now they biljonäärs. Patrik Wave has throwed PlayStation to the wall and now he makes feeds instead of paints. Very nise to open text television page 235 every morning, many green Finlandish names there! No Puljulake thogh, he got penalti becos can not speak England and is bad disc player, he got no biljons, instead was transported to hell, I mean Oulu.

Voispa tästä tykätä moneen kertaan. Nauroin koko tämän viestin läpi nonstoppina. Olette te Mensa-kerholaiset vain ylivertaisia verbaalisen analytiikan mestareita.

 

[Tadu]

Voispa tästä tykätä moneen kertaan. Nauroin koko tämän viestin läpi nonstoppina. Olette te Mensa-kerholaiset vain ylivertaisia verbaalisen analytiikan mestareita.

I dount understand this lanquaqe.

 

[Breeze Harbour]

I dount understand this lanquaqe.

Yea sorry I no I have kind of a bad communistcation problem here.. I think better to stay silence becaus @FASlapsi proves to be a superior role model of the higher of living so I just say very appreciation toward this human biing. Do you agreed?

I laugh so much his text that my eyes flow vatten like Viagra or was is Niagra? Either way think we can hand this man a reward of bestest human biing of Katkoaika once more yes?

 

[vanukas]

Räty Brothers sounds like a name of a gay band.

Do not bark Rätys. Their father Seppo is a world famous stick thrower and olumppiakävijä. Very popular. He knew his sons will be good at ice disk and named them after great world leaders: Adolf and Donald. As they say, a knee gets better from a son. Unlike their father, who is known from one-liners, the Räty brothers will be first-liners.

 

[FASlapsi]

I no like your text, no matter how much ace licking is doned! You know what you are, I not even hästäg juu becoos you would get stand-upp inside your pants from it.

And you other, you didn’t not even knowed how to write Sairaan paska in England, it is Sicks shit, juunou, that thing that comes out your ässät. Becos you is sick. Haha, epic fire! Also dont know how spell yours own favorit jeng, it is Pori Asses, famulous gruppen of retards from hitzbil village full of jobless hitzars. Oh jees, more epic burningses! Juu must be drum player becos you are so stupidest! Hahaa, is roasting!

 

[Wiljami]

I just speaked with the paamaster of Saipa-production automobiles. He saided that this new model will be the next what happens now in Racepark in next year: Tekniikan Maailma Every pucker gets one of these mopiles.
...

Is veri guud auto and like SaiPa Pride is like the homosensual but is disk play team support come out closet thing. Be proud to be Saipa! And not homosensual. But maybe also yes homosensual can too be now and is the judges always.

 

[Buster]

Jokers are currently starting to fly after a very bad start to the gayeitzäl -season, which almost lost Late Berryhill his coaching job. However despite the positive streaking and many dots, the Joker game is still pretty weak with lots of underachievers in the team.

Petri Bearla is too slow to be a number one centerman, everything happen in slow motion and he has no skating stamina nor backhair. His chain plays with two and a half men instead of three because he is so slow.

Seppo Mooses is too uneven. First round, he tries and skates like a hounddog. Rest of the hockey game he hides and misses pucks, passes when he should shoot and dribbles when he should pass.

Sami Alderstö is an icon and primus motor in the defensive core, but since december he has been weak. He makes one big motheregg atleast per. game, his passes on the overstrength go whenever wherever and he not hit a barn wall inside barn. It is shame because he an icon and we love him.

Antti Creek is apparently 12 kilos too fat, if you believe horsemen information agency. Marko "Boogeyman" Bankruptedwarehouse has had many throughdrives but he always shoots miss and hasn't scored.

But atleast we are currently going the rightway returnwise and the defense has tightened. So there is little reason for optimism.

 

[FASlapsi]

Great burnings, my friend. But what else to expect coming from Mensa member's keyboard... right. I know that your Sairaan Paska is written as 'Sicks Shit', but that is just one alternative shape to use, ya know. Of course you know, the dude's an intellectual. Lol, at least Aces have some success, u know? That thing called getting places in TOP-6 and medals. Wait, what's medals? Lmao, u don't know dat thing 'cuz u never seen one in ur small village called Lilybeach.

Besides, u know what burnes the most well? The oak of SaiPa, yes. Hahaha, losing 6-3 against Lock Rauma, u guys must be some shit coming from fellow neighbour Russia. Except they use red, which is a good winning color, u know, lol, unlike the yellow, it's piss. It never wins anything, except the Pitsitournament as Lock usually takes that penis looking trophy... oh wait, they haven't won it in five years. God damn, now they have nothing to celebrate at August, which is known to be very cheerful time for Rauma hockey, yes.

Just keep being Sick Shit, or Extremely Crap, or alternatively Very Excrement, u name it dude. We buys of Pori gonna win gold at least once before 2030, 'cuz we can win once in 7-35 years. You win never, lol.

By the way, writing shit can actually be very fun, you know. Yes you know. We can write it even more, so we could improve ourselves to become even more England grammar lord masters, just like me, the high professional high school student Redblack, coming from the glorious city of Pori, the bear town. We big, boys.

It is usless to live in menneisyys, futur are now, stick to eye who old’s remembering, juu only so good as last game. So:

Hahaha, Pori Asses just lost to Sick’s shit, Bori morans did not make any paint, Saipa doed tree! And it was even Phories home play, how embraserieng for them!

So all you foreigners, rember this: Pori Asses are worstest ice disc teem in wordl. And Pori is bad town in all other ways’s, too, and Borish people are rentardses who cant even hitz.

Also, Night is shit music gruppen.

And Bear is shit beer.

Let’s us all läf sailor laf to Pori, starts at third; one, tuu, tree; hahaha like sailor!

 

[Wiljami]

Now is very good in continue time articel when i seeded there is "Tylor Spink with Aces special situation playeing is hitsing - also is twois brother (maybe not brother lion? Or maybe is?) burning game Kents near time. (myös Englanniksi)"

It is goods see to that is continue time now make good sport storys to also us who like english read and speak and also there is many sport puck fan who is outland and like much read of Liig and team like Aces and Stubborns maybe also (they shit). I not readed articel becaus now is very busy time and no one read more than foreheadkko of articels but is good say (myös Englanniksi) is the many puck peoples like yes. Also likes in Borg is hitsing, becaus is many jobless hitsers there and now maybe has job?

 

[finnjewel]

The Aces do not seem to make the play-off this season, only off. The Kouvostounion team KeiKei, on the contrary, is on its way to play-off rounds, which is nice.

 

[Hande75]

Ligas point market top score many man is

1. Julius Littlebeautiful Traktor Jypvillage
2. Tiimu Littleturku Sport Associaation Dudes of Hellsinki
3. Christian Sixela Nääsville Battleaxes

 

[Johnny B. Goode]

"Vak juu, juu litöl nika!"

 

[Lätkä-Bongari Iso-E]

Team Lion A-youngsters won Team USA A-youngsters team in yesterdays quarter-finals game in IIHF champion games. Nice game.

 

[Evil]

Yes great shot to top grandmother from Oden. An overpower goal, very nice. Nice eating from Tanus. Next is Canada, they I heard did not last their cassette when Russia win them snowperiod in beginning series. Canada can be very surprisitive so the young lions must stay sufferingly and expect the right moment to make paint. I am very believing that everything will happen justicifially.

 

[maken veivi jr.]

Yes great shot to top grandmother from Oden. An overpower goal, very nice. Nice eating from Tanus. Next is Canada, they I heard did not last their cassette when Russia win them snowperiod in beginning series. Canada can be very surprisitive so the young lions must stay sufferingly and expect the right moment to make paint. I am very believing that everything will happen justicifially.

I think the abloy in this one is use the middle area trap like Johnny Ironwildforest does in Tampere Axes.

Actually me think that Raymond Pearls is a brilliant couch. In first games we play modern international hockey and everyone think that Finland is modern hockey frontrunner. Then in real games we trap and win again. We genious.

 

[Mazaa]

"Canada is not Finland" - TSN 2011

"Canada was not Finland" - TSN 2020

 

[ernestipotsi]

HAAC played yesterday bad game against Haemecastle Ball Club. HBC's head coach Andy Little Penna is mostly known for being Cacca's helper in HAAC. Game was very flat but HAAC missed some very good paint-manufacturing places and eventually they lost the game at the win cumshot competition.

 

[Breeze Harbour]

I want to talk apout Lappe Shore Shaiba. Their play is getting worse and worse resently and this Terry Leafery guy, original the assistanse couch of Blegi just can't seem figure how to bild a dependaple strategi for team Shaiba and be respectaple big couch guy in sm-lüga. So if I where the Shaiba ohvice wörker I would set his sore äss on fire and send him somewhere veri far from Lappe Shore citi.

 

[Hande75]

Today are heavy metal games in young man's championship in ice puck. Hopefully Young Lions get ronssi metals in neck and Svärdje mommy-boys lost. There is Suryppapershirts and Young Bears of Mommy Russlandia in endgame.

 

[Hols Nilgerssön]

I just ambushed the ice puck hockey game float points of native american of Chicago against Florida animals hockey club battle for hegemony for second points. Those Florida man's are pretty good puck slappers, i love that Vladimir barcow extra much.

 

[Virveliä kainaloon]

Hello all outsoilers. In Liig has been lots trainerkicks, so I did you list all headtrainers (I forget platoons' names, sorry):

Johnny Very Little
Andy Little Penna
Joseph Storm
Mark Little Shop
Pexxi Little Tirkko
Tommi Little It Thought
Jose Gladeful
Mike Mainland
Pexi Flow
Jesse Caivoing
Terry Leafery
Ryan Duff
Johnny Ironwildforest
Mark Little Flow
Art-Pexi Back to Back

 

[Rattlehead]

Whit Misery Carrier (@Ikävänkantaja ) on beer. We talk about Hockey Playing Knights. They play very good in the night of today versus Saimaa Balls, very yes indeed.

 

[Raksilan Pleksi]

What is happening. All the half-Finlands ice-disc- fans are in sorrow. The Wiesels are in big problems, people of the capital of northern scandinavia are wanting kicks to Mike Continental. They want Larry Michaels and Wilhem Pineland to grab the wheel.

I don’t know if that helps. Wiesels’ overforce is terrible, defence is full of woodhands, and team is anyway wrongly assembled. We have already lost this season. We wont lift the boy this year. We wont meet at the market square.

Luckily nest ball season is on the door. Vimpelis Pull will beat arch enemies, Sotkamos Rumble and Rivermouths Stick this year. Also Oulus Fishing Equipment will rise to champliig. Which is nice.

 

[vdx mua zorbas]

My acquaintances, in fact my ol' continental acquaintances, frequently inquire, what this song "Timppa saunoo" sung by Ismo is all about. Well, it is quite facile to elucidate.

The song is based on another song called “Poika saunoo” (a lad is taken to the sauna). The Finns call the winning trophy “the lad”. Referring to the trophy as the lad is founded on a Finnish tome, wherein the lad was as a metaphor for a bowl, which was used for distilling spirits. And the sauna is a customary locale wherein Finns rejoice triumph. Subsequent to a splendid triumph, the lad is obviously escorted to the sauna.

But in this Ismo's version, instead of a lad, it is Timppa who goes to the sauna. Who the hell is Timppa then? He is the sauna king, who competes against the Finns’ archenemy, the Russian. Indeed, the Russian perished during the competion but shit happens.

Moreover, the ditty is a rendition of an ancient Finnish jest: a Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian are in a sauna and resolve to hold a contest of who can endure longest in the sauna. First, the Norwegian departed, then the Swede and after a considerable while the Finn bellowed for the other two to come and assist him because his balls were wedged between the planks.

Following this discreet elucidation delineated afore, it is facile to comprehend what the song verses narrate, right?

Timppa is having sauna
Emits more vapour
Does not suffer any agony
And the Russki is dead in the sauna
But Timppa is still enjoying the sauna
The hue of his visage is already altering
And will surely reduce some weight
And the russian is dead in the sauna

One inhales water vapour already
On the planks sits a valiant uncle
This contest was awaited all winter
One needs no other food than a hundred kilo sauna ham
A sport cannot get any better than this
Sit on your bottom as if you almost die
But it is worth it
The main prize is to win a Harvia stove

Timppa is having sauna
The hue of his visage is already altering
And will surely reduce some weight
And the russian is dead in the sauna
The meter shows one hundred and ten
Painkillers are used
By The Russian who died in the sauna

The rules are strict in this contest
One must not have vaseline in one’s sleeve
Every minute one must show a thumb
But that did not save the dumb
More steam comes at an incredible pace
Russian bends, Timo’s might prevails
But what snapped in your posterior
Guess what it was the roast timer

Timppa is having sauna
The Russki never made it back
Timppa is having sauna
Timppa is having sauna
Never made it back
Never made it back
The Russki never made it back
But Timppa’s roasting well
And won’t abandon his hot rack
The reason’s clear to tell
His bollocks wedged within the slats
He’s trapped in sauna hell

Timppa! Timppa!
Timppa! Timppa!
Timppa! Timppa!
Timppa saunoo!