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Lähde on http://looop.net/funnies/ ja sieltä tuntuu löytyvän aika paljon muitakin hyviä juttuja. Kannattaa tsekata.
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase.
5. Monday Nite Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friend's sex
lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've
lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you
blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't
have to stall on every shot of someone
crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job
interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the
opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff
around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why 'Stripes' is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support
group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have
to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your
reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to
something, he or she can still be your
friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading
Championship
34. None of your co-workers has the power to make
you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass
every night.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing
contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original
color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's
feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking
hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what
people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when
you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the
meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from
getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices
your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your
buddy for hours without even thinking. "He
must be mad at me".
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to
mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without
starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas
station because this one's just to skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer
bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter
what you are wearing.
69. Same work, more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an
emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about
you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could
double the earth's population in 15 tries, at
least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when your
talking to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without
bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal
showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship
with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper
imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to
go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you
will, he won't tell you friends you've
changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the
handy phrase "F*#k it!"
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the
same outfit, you might become lifelong
buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another
obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity
because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small cat is
funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can
bash it with a hammer and throw it across the
room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in
mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's
birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having
great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you
with: "So ... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.
Kohtuullisen hauska lista ja suuren osan voin allekirjoittaa itsekin.
Lähde on http://looop.net/funnies/ ja sieltä tuntuu löytyvän aika paljon muitakin hyviä juttuja. Kannattaa tsekata.
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase.
5. Monday Nite Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friend's sex
lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've
lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you
blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't
have to stall on every shot of someone
crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job
interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the
opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff
around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why 'Stripes' is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support
group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have
to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your
reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to
something, he or she can still be your
friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading
Championship
34. None of your co-workers has the power to make
you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass
every night.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing
contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original
color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's
feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking
hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what
people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when
you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the
meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from
getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices
your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your
buddy for hours without even thinking. "He
must be mad at me".
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to
mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without
starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas
station because this one's just to skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer
bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter
what you are wearing.
69. Same work, more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an
emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about
you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could
double the earth's population in 15 tries, at
least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when your
talking to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without
bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal
showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship
with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper
imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to
go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you
will, he won't tell you friends you've
changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the
handy phrase "F*#k it!"
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the
same outfit, you might become lifelong
buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another
obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity
because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small cat is
funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can
bash it with a hammer and throw it across the
room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in
mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's
birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having
great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you
with: "So ... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.